


Straight Paths

by Hedonez



Category: Teenage Bounty Hunters (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Female Character, F/F, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:34:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 24,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26564434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hedonez/pseuds/Hedonez
Summary: Sterling never quite figures things out until she tries to leave, only to find that a straight path in life sometimes means going back over everything you already covered and asking new questions.
Relationships: April Stevens/Sterling Wesley
Comments: 33
Kudos: 308





	1. Roundabouts are Stupid and Efficient

Ch. 1

When she drops out of her first semester in her second week, Sterling wonders on the long drive home, whether God really is making her a straight path. He’s apparently supposed to…or she is? But this path feels like something else. 

Would her life eventually start to look like a straight path or would it look all meandering and round, like roundabouts on European highways that look so confusing and kind of stupid but are apparently really efficient. 

Is her life like a stupid roundabout? 

Late at night, she arrives home, her bum half asleep, and her eyes blurry from driving and a whole lot of crying along the way. 

“This doesn’t seem like a straight path,” she says, standing morosely by her car, gym bag stuffed with dirty clothes hanging loosely in her hands. She slumps as her mom walks toward her.

The hug is a surprise. Sterling keeps her eyes open as it happens. But her mother seems genuinely ok with all of this. 

“It just wasn’t the right thing for you. Not yet, baby.” And with that, and a lipstick thick kiss on her forehead, Sterling moves back home.

She spends some of her time trying to figure out what went wrong. Blair is having a grand old time and keeps texting ‘come back dammit!’ But Sterling wants other things. For now. 

For now, she wants to help her dad clean his guns and chop wood. She helps him remove trees at her grandparents’ lake house. They go hunting and she cleans a deer and her mother is a little bit appalled when Sterling cooks them all venison heart. It helps her to get grounded, all of the labor and quiet hanging out with her father. 

And Sterling spends time with her mother which, really, is the reason she came back. She also has questions about her other mother—the one who birthed her. Or…her aunt? Sterling prefers to call her the bio-mom, which she tells her parents, but she also thinks of Dana as her aunt which is weird?

“What prison is ummm…you know…she…in?” She asks one night at dinner, making her mother choke on Merlot and her father bite his cheek and swear. 

The night before Sterling visits that prison, she goes into her parents’ room and assures them that she isn’t trying to, you know, replace them or anything. There are less tears than she’d anticipated but she crawls into bed with her mom for the first time since she’d had a nightmare about alien clowns with guitar axes when she was twelve, and sleeps there for the night. 

Dana is surprised to see her. They talk a little about school and Dana even refrains from insulting the school or schooling more generally. Though she does call Sterling’s law prof an obvious prick (for demanding that Sterling do a quiz like everybody else) and stubs out her cigarette angrily to shut the topic down. It’s fine. It’s not rainbows and sunshine and whatever there is between them is faint and strange, but it’s ok. 

Sterling is halfway home when she has to pull over. 

The crying jags had been one thing, but the anxiety and nausea were another. 

School just hadn’t fit. First week parties had given way to so much drinking that even Blair banned her from them. Confined to her dorm room, Sterling’s mind had teemed with questions. She couldn’t sleep, couldn’t study, and couldn’t figure out what she wanted to do next. In the morning, she didn’t know what to do, so she went wandering and grabbed the first cute person she saw for some company. She barely ate. 

Sterling just wanted to be with her parents—to know that they were still her parents. Not that they’d stopped, they’d parented her and all, after the kidnapping, and they’d reassured her and all, but school and other things had eaten up all their time together and she had questions and ideas and she…just needed time. 

She drives home in a daze and sits at the dining room table until they show and sit with her, even more worried than before. Then she starts. Like…what had it been like, taking Sterling in right when they already had a new baby of their own? When had they decided to lie? Had they ever wondered if she’d find out everything? Their answers aren’t even that important, she just needs to get the questions out. 

That night she finally sleeps well again. There aren’t any answers that are so satisfactory that it’s all fixed, but there is enough conversation to feel ok about things. 

After that, Sterling settles back into life at home, putting off her plans for a little while longer. There is, of course, one more person she wants to talk to. A grumpy, super stressed out friend, who lets her eat unending vanilla frozen yogurt whenever she wants.


	2. Cathy was in Charge all Along

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life sometimes moves fast, and we try to jam all of our learning into a short time, but Sterling is in a safe place to do that now.

Ch. 2

Sterling’s return to the yogurt shop is less of an easy transition than returning home had been. She pitches Bowser on a case every two weeks but she really means one week, so that’s a lie. Cathy is super in charge of the yogurt shop now, but Bowser still runs his operation out of the back office. He’s bossy and he keeps trying to dissuade her from joining his team again.

“I do not want you in any danger, do you hear me,” Bowser puts on his best strict face. He’d spent ten minutes hugging her when she’d first burst through his door, but now he’s trying to be a hard-ass. 

Sterling nods in all seriousness. “No danger. Never.”

“Do not follow me like you did last night.”

It’s true, she had followed him the night before. She wanted to see how he was doing. A man had run, she had chased him down, Bowser had caught up a few minutes later and done the heavy lifting. Sterling is quite proud of herself for the whole thing.

“We are not a team.” Bowser insists. 

“The look in your eye when you saw me walk through that door says otherwise.” Sterling grins and he gives up almost immediately. 

She starts to figure that maybe finding a straight path means going back over your own steps. She decides that one evening on a stakeout, sipping decaf coffee and looking at some brochures for a psychology program. Her cell buzzes. It’s Dana. 

“Hi there sweetheart, how’s it going?”

Sterling isn’t used to this sweetheart thing, and she feels it disarm her a little.

“Fine. Ummmm…How are you?” 

“Oh, fine, fine.” Her tone is obviously not fine. She wants something. In the end it’s not much and it doesn’t matter, but Sterling wonders how easily Dana does that. It doesn’t hurt her feelings or anything, it genuinely makes her feel curious.

“Is your sister a sociopath?” Sterling asks her mother, later that night when she arrives home with a tray of yogurt for two people who are seriously tired of frozen yogurt. 

“Good Lord, Sterling,” Her mom sighs and grimaces at the vanilla soft serve in her hand. “I don’t know.” 

“Probably.” Her father pipes in. “Though, is that the word they use these days?”

“I heard it was psychopath.” Debbie’s gaze clouds over as she says it.

“No Mom, that’s also an old word.”

“Oh. Well then.” The yogurt is replaced with a glass of wine and her mom looks content again. She asks, “What sorts of signs would point to such a thing?” 

Sterling explains what she’s been reading. Words like gaslighting, and concepts that are really just about manipulative tendencies and anti-social tendencies. “And how come two of you, identical and all, turned out so different?”

The phone buzzes in Sterling’s pocket again and Blair yells at her to come back to school while their parents wander off in conversation, obviously happy to change the subject. Her mother shoots her a look that says she knows damn well this line of questioning will likely never end.

“No. I have a new idea.” Sterling says with new conviction. 

“Oh?” Blair is obviously at a party, her indifferent tone is muted by shouting and music. 

“I’m going to join the FBI!” Sterling shouts into the phone.

“Ok!” Blair actually sounds excited about that. “Me too!”

They laugh maniacally at one another, and Sterling dives onto the living room couch to listen to Blair’s latest stupid story about some stupid boy or other. 

Their parents pause and turn, exchanging worried looks. 

It’s Thanksgiving when Sterling really starts to feel ok about her life. Blair is home, quizzing her about her non-existent social life and sharing absurdly intimate details about her own. They share a bed every night and yammer on about nothing and everything until their parents demand that they go to sleep.

“I’ll also drop out,” Blair decides, burrowing into her sister’s back and then headbutting her a few times. 

“Mom and dad will kill you. Stay put.” Sterling yawns. “It’s seriously 2am, let’s talk in the morning.”

“Have you seen April?” 

That wakes Sterling up again.

“No. Why. Have you?” She turns and cranks her neck. April is living a boring, bland life, somewhere out there. Sterling does not think about her because if she did, she’d get really, really sad. And that weird feeling in her stomach might come back. The one where it feels like a spot below her bellybutton attaches to her heart and just swoops and throbs again and again. 

“Well I saw her grabbing coffee on her way back into town. I figured you might call her. She’s obviously home for her family’s annual retelling of the time their ancestor slaughtered a village of Native Americans and led the way for Jesus’ return.”

“Ew.” Sterling grimaces. “She doesn’t talk like that.”

“No, but her dad sure does.” Sterling settles into her pillow again. There’s a hum at the base of her skull that sees her off to sleep. It’s anticipation and something else that she can’t quite pin down.


	3. You're Drunk Dad, Go Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving brings its usual arguments and overeating and Sterling is no further along in her decision making. April comes to town and Blair is insufferable about it.

Ch. 3

Their own Thanksgiving dinner is the usual combination of celebration and protest. Their dad and Blair get in a small argument about pre-colonial warfare. Their mom tries to get everyone to focus on the mashed potatoes. 

“I need to know if they’re as good as last year’s. I tried something new. Would y’all just let me know.” Debbie seems stressed, more than usual. It might have something to do with her sister’s call an hour before. They’d ended up screaming at one another again, about money and whatever else. Thanksgiving sounded hard in prison and in the end Debbie had transferred something into her twin’s account. Sterling had only said a quick hello and Blair had tried to grab the phone away to give her aunt crap again, but she’d been stopped. 

“Seriously mom.” Blair takes a forkful and chews thoughtfully. “As good as. If not better. Your mashed potatoes are amazing and very high in calories.”

“Your food is always killer, mom.” Sterling gets it, for the first time really, how important it’s been all these years to create something perfect. “Let’s give have a toast and give thanks that we have food and a massive home and let’s commit ourselves to the revolution moving forward.”

“Here, here.” Blair makes a fist and then gets into an actually serious conversation about pipelines with her sister while their parents half-listen. 

The night air is crisp when they move outside for a backyard fire and hot chocolate. Despite the chill, the fire heats Sterling through and she gets a little sleepy from the nights of talking and the turkey and stuffing. Her parents are murmuring about Christmas plans already which is hilarious. Blair leans on her shoulder and calls them maniacs five times before falling completely asleep. Neither notice when Sterling’s phone buzzes with a text from April.   
Luke also texts a few times on Thanksgiving. Mostly about the food he ate and his new workout routine. He has a girlfriend named Brit who also works out like a maniac, and Sterling is treated to some absurd photos of just how ripped they both are. 

She takes about half a day to text April back. Then she erases the text and calls instead.

“You still use the phone part of your phone, huh.” April doesn’t say hi, she lectures her on smart phones instead. 

“I’m mature like that,” Sterling replies. “It’s nice to hear from you.” She means it. 

Blair is suddenly right there whispering into the phone, “come over, April, come and tell us just how far up their butts the Kai-Omega-Beotch Squad sorority keep their heads…ow!” She gives in to an elbow from Sterling but shouts again, “come over, my sister is desperate to see you,” before running away from a flurry of kicking. 

Sterling gets off the phone and runs shouting into the house, past her parents, and into the front sitting room where her sister snickers and texts someone. 

“Well? I did you a favor.” Blair shrugs. “I know you still have that thing…”

“What thing?” Sterling sits hard on her sister’s feet and slams a pillow on her. 

“That thing that makes your face go all pink. Seriously, tell me, what happens when you start looking all stupid like that?”

Sterling tries to remember. The thought of April coming over has her stomach in knots. But there’s something else also. It’s anticipation. And warmth. The feeling of April’s shoulder just brushing against her is a sudden sense memory. 

“Uhhh that. What’s that?” Blair points at her face obnoxiously. 

“It’s just…” Sterling smiles, “it feels like a blooming warmth in my chest…” She shakes her head. “But you know, it’s nothing. She broke up with me so long ago. And then she dated Luke for four days, which was weird.” 

“Yeah. That was…wait, so…what do you mean, a blooming in your chest? Like a mushroom?” Blair asks. 

“What? No.”

“Nuclear bomb.”

“No, weirdo, it feels nice. Just really nice…”  
“It sounds like a health issue. You should get it checked out if it happens again.”

There is a lengthy pause. It takes Sterling awhile to realize she hasn’t come up with a coherent word in many minutes. Blair stares at her, slightly worried looking.

“What about next year?” 

“Huh?” Sterling responds.

“Next year. What do you want to do next year. What have you decided? You told me last night before you went to sleep that you’d figure it all out by noon today. It is noon-oh-one…”

“Oh. Bounty hunting, for sure.” Sterling nods and slides next to her sister now.

“Mom and Dad are going to want to chat with you about that idea, I’m sure.”

Their father actually walks in just then, bringing a plate of brownies for the girls and a cognac for himself. He stares adoringly at them, his cheeks definitely super flushed.

“You’re drunk Dad, go home.” Blair snickers and he grins back at her.


	4. Careless Friggin Whisper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lesbians love a good coffee date and baristas love a good George Michael marathon. And my version of Sterling doesn't have a hard time with monogamy, but she had to wait a long time for the right one to come back and, well, things happen.

Ch. 4

More food is had. Sterling considers competitive eating as a future career at one point, and then regrets her choices not long after. Which is probably for the best. They spend a pretty amicable time together as a family. 

But moments before April knocks on their door, Sterling realizes how few people her parents have seen outside of her and her sister. She’s about to ask about that—like what happened to the friggin’ book club, at least—when the knock is heard.

Sterling opens the door to someone she always thought was super cute, but who now looks more mature when she takes off her coat and reveals a tight blue t-shirt and skinny jeans beneath. She stares at the lines of April’s shoulders.“Have you seen Luke?” Sterling asks, feeling weirdly confused.

“Luke…no. Uh…hey.” April is cool as a cucumber, but she definitely pauses for a longer-than-normal period of time, looking Sterling over discretely. “Why would I see Luke?”

“You’re staring.” Sterling hasn’t moved from the spot where she stands and is definitely pretty flattered by the long look. “I only asked about Luke because you look like you’ve been exercising and he’s been exercising and maybe I am the only person in the world who has not been exercising…”

“You look great, Sterling. And as far as staring, so are you,” April replies. 

They say hi the parents but Blair is scarce. That won’t last long, Sterling figures. 

It’s annoyingly damp outside and her bedroom definitely has a skulking sister hanging around in or near it. So Sterling makes an executive decision.

“Hey, wait, do you want to go for a drive instead?” She stops April before they go back into the sitting room. Her hand is on April’s elbow which feels impossibly soft, like how can skin be so soft? 

There’s a moment then or remembering their breakup, after such a short time together, and Sterling pulls away. “Coffee,?” She asks. Her throat is tight and she tries to remember that like years have passed since they made out in the back of a car and paid too much money for Lasertag for no reason.

They grab their coats and go outside. April drives an obviously rented Toyota Prius, which is weird because Sterling was sure she’d been given a big stupid Hummer as a grad present. 

She slots that question aside for another time. 

It’s good to take some deep breaths outside and to stretch her legs. Sterling realizes it does her good to leave the house during the day, for something other than work, and vows to do it more often. Maybe she’ll take up running. She also thinks about how it’s just so weird out, weather wise. Probably global climate change, because sometimes it’s about things being cold at weird times and warmer at other times and in other places. Though she doesn’t say that out loud and instead banks that question for later also, to see what April’s beliefs in that area are. 

“Sterl?” April asks quietly. 

They’ve arrived at the coffee shop and Sterling is just super lost in her own thoughts. 

They haven’t seen each other in a long time and yet it’s comfortable just hanging out again. Sterling figures it might have to do with how long they’ve known each other, but still. It’s weird that it’s not weird which might make it all…weirder.

It’s not like Sterling dates much or anything. The truth is that her first weeks of school were filled with a record number of hookups. Record for her was already kind of intense, because she’d spent her senior year shagging whoever she felt like. 

And that is all fine, right, but she’s with April now. The one person she’d actually wanted all those times she’d kissed other people.

And ok so maybe there’s something more, something Sterling should probably admit to herself at some point. But that voice she’s been fantasizing about for so long interrupts her reverie again.

“Hey.” April’s hand is warm on hers. 

“Oh. Hey. Sorry.” They lock eyes as April rubs her thumb over Sterling’s pulse point, bringing her back to reality. 

“You ok?” April looks sheepish. “I know I contacted you out of the blue, if this is too much I can bring you home again?”

“No, that’s ok, I’m just being weird. Let’s go get a latte.” Sterling swings her legs out of the car and stretches into the outdoor air again. 

They get their coffee and talk inside, about school and it takes all of twenty minutes and two repeats of Time of the Season by the Zombies—which some barista obviously really likes—before April asks what happened. 

“You were always so brilliant, what didn’t you like about higher education? I mean you seemed ready for it your whole life.”

Sterling shrugs. 

“I didn’t want to be away from home, I guess. I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t even pick out cereal in the morning and I lost all of my syllabi.”

April just nods. She looks worried and seems about to say something else, but closes her mouth again. 

They sip their lattes in silence and Sterling glances with annoyance at the speakers. She suddenly wonders if April has a girlfriend and the idea freezes her tongue. April falls hard so if she’s got some midwestern cheese heiress on her arm now, that’s going to suck. 

But no, she should be happy for her. It’s important to be happy for the people you care about. 

“So ummm did you meet anybody at school?” Sterling swirled her latte around in its mug, trying to get the frothed milk to mix with the espresso. “You know, like a nice lesbian with a lot of cheeses?”

By now, April seems less surprised by Sterling’s odd lines of questioning “No cheese, no.” She replies, “no girlfriend, no cheese and no lesbians. I’m not sure I would have texted you like I did if I were serious with someone else. I mean…There was this pre-med student but she was…well it wasn’t right.” 

“Hmmmm…” Sterling nods in all seriousness. Imagining April with some uptight farmgirl from Missouri who was pre-med is actually randomly turning her crank right now while also making her so jealous she could breathe fire. She realizes that she has to change the subject. “School. I quit. I didn’t like my major.”

“Oh?” April looks a bit confused but goes with the flow. 

“Pre-law. Boring, right?” When I want to catch bad guys, not talk about them, she doesn’t add. 

“I was thinking about law school also and yes, not what I wanted either.” April smirks into her coffee mug and takes a sip. “I’m thinking about politics instead.”

Of course she was. Sterling grins. “Debate skills and theatrics. I love it.”

“Yeah.” April chuckles. “So, any new directions for you?”

“I’m going to catch serial killers.” Sterling decides then and there. 

“Well that’s…very specific.” April takes the mug out of Sterling’s hand like a total bossypants. “Do you want another, Sterl?”

“Naw.” Sterling flushes at the brush of April’s hand again. She says, “I’d like to take Psych then FBI training then you know…Clarice Starling.”

“Uh huh. Sounds dangerous.” April grimaces. “Surely your…boy…girl…friend…isn’t into such dangerous things…” She’s cut off when Sterling, remembering how she’d once ruled all of this out, kicks the table and accidentally spills a bit of April’s coffee.

“No…uh…no one, I’m not dating anyone.” Sterling rushes to grab napkins and wipes the table with a flustered smile. “I…there were hookups. You know me.”

“Yes, I do. You’re very open.”

“What does that mean? Like you mean in a good way or…”

“Yes, in a good way.” April gets up, takes the napkins away from her and throws them into the garbage. When she returns, she takes their mugs to the counter. She asks for water and brings them back, placing the water carefully in front of Sterling. “I’m moving back here.” April says, very quietly, so she can barely be heard. The baristas have decided to crank the volume on Careless Whisper. But Sterling hears. 

“What?” Sterling is shocked. Talk about an overachiever surprising them all. “What happened?” 

“New charges. My father…” the word is acid on April’s tongue. “He hurt someone. Again. And we need money. So he wants to cut costs by having me live at home. I’ll transfer next year and finish remotely this year.”

At the thought of April living in that house again, Sterling is, well, she feels bad for wishing April single. Because single and closeted and living with that man. That’s too much.

“Sorry…”

“I’m going to get my own place, as soon as I can.” April adds. 

They sit awhile, sipping their water in silence as George Michael plays way too loud on the speakers above them. Years later, they’ll dance sarcastically to this song, but for now, Careless Whisper is just too obnoxious for words. 

Later, they sit in the car, blasting the heat. 

“I’m worried,” Sterling shares. “That I won’t actually find my way. I’m not really decided on what I’m doing with my life.”

April seems to look right through her. She stares a long time, assessing her words. “Sterl…Remember in senior year when you had that foursome with those three girls on the swim team, and you lectured us all about how Jesus was a giant…” she grimaces and laughs simultaneously, “well, you claimed that he was a bisexual…”

“Slut. I said he was a secret slut and that that’s ok. He just…he had all those disciples and they were probably hanging out in rivers together and you know, barns…anyway…” She’d almost been booted from school for that, but then the people trying to save her soul argued on her behalf. Yet again. It had actually made Blair laugh so hard she had to leave the gathering where someone declared Sterling’s soul the school’s most important mission yet. 

“Yeah. I was jealous I mean I kept imagining it, I kept wondering what the hell you were up to and then I realized something…Sterling, you are just so…open…” 

Ok then. Sterling wrinkles her nose. “What does that mean though…You keep saying that.”

“Just that you are a loving and open-hearted person. I used to think you were malicious but I don’t think you have one mean bone in your body. You of all people will find your way.” April sighs and grips steering wheel briefly. She looks again at Sterling then and her gaze softens. “You love people. You love life. You don’t demonize any part of this existence and you don’t judge. You need to give yourself permission to make mistakes in that same spirit.”

Sterling’s eyes unexpectedly sting with tears. Yet again. “Thanks,” She means it. 

It’s nice just sitting together, Sterling realizes. Just being. That familiar bloom is back. It’s not a mushroom and it’s not nuclear, it’s just warm and good.


	5. Wine Clubs and Church Raves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sterling and her mom bond over carrots and sober drivers.

Ch. 5

Sterling is on her own for a little while then, before Christmas break comes. She wishes she didn’t still feel like she had to structure her life according to school schedules, but it does feel lonely waiting for a holiday from something she’s no longer even a part of. 

Maybe she’ll go to Europe next year. She can figure out roundabouts and sit in cafes. 

The house is still quiet. There are still no book clubs. Her mother sees no one. And Sterling remembers that this nonsense had actually been going on way before. Like not long after her kidnapping, and the big reveal, about Sterling’s origins and Debbie’s lie. 

“Do people not come over anymore because I’m adopted?” She asks. This time, her mother has the heads up about all the questions that follow. She’d talked to Blair that morning. 

“No, sweetheart, they do not come over because they are petty.” Deb sips Chardonnay and then shovels more carrots into her daughter’s plate. “And because you slept with half the school in your senior year.” She adds that part with wide eyes. “Really, they’re hypocrites. You were going through a lot. Still are, I’m assuming.” 

Back in high school, after the kidnapping, Sterling’s wild partying and frequent running away to the grandparents’ for hangover soup by the lake, had led to one too many fights for either of their liking. Sterling’s coping mechanisms had also included hosting a rave in the church parking lot. Expecting a good time, hundreds of kids had actually shown, leading to fines and weekends spent removing garbage and graffiti. The funny thing was though—both Deb and her husband, along with Blair, had joined in on the cleanup. They’d been there for Sterling even when things melted down like that. 

“Ohhhhhh…well, I mean…” Sterling makes a face. She’s glad no one else is around for that part of the convo. Her dad is working late, which he seems to do a lot since finally taking ownership over the company he’d once quit so spectacularly. Her grandparents are fully retired and her family is definitely reaping the benefits. When she looks around, there is new wallpaper and new fixtures and a new set of china. Seriously, who needed that much china, she’d never know. But there it was, in its own brand-new cabinet. 

“It’s fine, dear.” Her mother sighs. 

“No, mom, you need friends.” Sterling glances uncertainly at her mother as she pushes. “To heck with those people.”

“Language, Sterling!” Debbie fights a smile. 

“Sorry, Mom. I mean…you deserve far less judgement in your own life.” Sterling stabs a carrot and shoves it in her mouth, chomping thoughtfully. 

“I probably do. The truth is, I have been seeing a group of friends. In a secret club…” She draws that out like Sterling’s still a kid and she’s telling ghost stories. 

“What?” Sterling practically shouts. 

The new club, as it turns out, is a wine tasting group made up of moms who had been kicked out of whatever damn social circle the church and Sterling’s former school had once held sway over. They meet at a local bar. 

“So it’s a group of moms whose lives aren’t perfect, who go out drinking once a month.” Sterling says.

“Sure.” Her mother cuts her steak—venison, yet again—into a dainty bite and chews thoughtfully. She adds, “Luke’s mother is in it because she’s divorced, and Ezekiel’s aunt is part of it for standing up and calling April’s dad a homophobic bigot in church one day after you girls were gone.”

“I insist on being your sober drive,” Sterling decides. “And that is awesome.”

“Fine, dear. I’ll save money on Ubers and you can earn your keep that way.” There’s that wink again. Debbie seems awfully amused at Sterling these days. She’d worked through a lot of angst over the whole slutty-teen phase and now that they’re over that little hill, things are nice. 

Sterling’s phone buzzes but she ignores it. It buzzes three more times. When she finally checks it, after finishing the dishes and making herself and her mom a cup of herbal tea, she sees messages from Bowser. 

April’s father, it turns out, might be a serial abuser. Two of the wanted posters on Bowser’s wall for unknown, vaguely sketched men who look almost alike, were handed over to Bowser’s police friend that day. The men—likely just one man—had been wanted for assaulting sex workers and the sketches had been going around on ‘bad date’ lists for years. It’s becoming more likely that it had been April’s father all along. 

Bowser calls and they talk briefly and quietly upstairs. “Things are about to get worse and more lawyers are obviously about to get involved,” he tells her. “I’m worried that you two might get pulled in somehow.”

“Well, I mean I don’t know how or why they’d do that.” Sterling replies, really only a bit worried. She was a witness to April’s dad skipping out on bail but she didn’t see him assaulting anybody. And there’s not much anybody can do about it all right now. If she gets pulled in then that’s that. She’ll have to talk to April before but what’s the worst that can happen there? April already hates her dad, it’s not like she’d defend him.

Later, when Sterling tries to call April to see how she’s doing, the phone goes right to voicemail.


	6. Auntie Blair Says Use a Condom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frozen yogurt is best at 10am. And Blair isn't ready to be an auntie yet.

Ch. 6.

Sterling works more and more for Bowser, breaking her own (and his) rules about safety and the odds. It’s almost every night now, though she doesn’t always go out with him, just helps him in the back office to keep track of his filing system and do research. 

She hears from April at last, late one night while she’s researching a local college Dean who’d skipped out on bail and was wanted on petty theft charges. 

“I’m sorry, Sterling,” April says formally, “the media kept calling me. I turned my phone off…”

“No, that’s ok. You’re back now?” Sterling feels awful for her. 

“Yes.” April sounds like she’s sniffling but then clears her throat. “I am back. I’m in my own place. The family assets had to be liquidated and I got a condo while my mother goes to live with her sister in Denver to get away from all of this.”

Well damn. Sterling holds the phone away from her mouth and swears uncharacteristically. “At…Christmas? Oh April. Your mom just left?” 

“It’s ok. She needed to stop crying over this…this…man she married.” April sighs loudly on the phone. “Listen, can we hang out…tonite, maybe?”

“I have ummm work. Can I come by after for a little?”

“Sure. If you have time.” April sounds very formal. It’s weirdly hot and unnerving at the same time. Like April herself. Hot and disconcerting. 

That hangout doesn’t happen. Bowser has to chase a guy almost out of town and Sterling drives to him with a tank of gas when he runs out on his way back. They take until 2am getting him into custody and Sterling sends a quick text with apology to April, and a promise for a hangout soon. 

The truth is it kind of makes Sterling feel awful that she knows so much about April’s father’s actions. She’s also nervous, about whatever it is that they’re doing.

Maybe someday and actually I’m not sure, are honest assessments of their chances together it seems. She hasn’t actually been with anybody else since returning home, and she’s been enjoying her time alone. And what if April bolts again? Her life is obviously really complicated.

But then again, so is Sterling’s life.

She texts April a few days before Christmas, and asks if she wants to come and hang at the house. 

April, as it turns out, is pretty happy with the idea of hanging out with a family. Sterling’s mother has already done the house up in Christmas décor, there are trays of cookies to be iced, and her father makes mulled wine for ‘everyone’ (but mainly the adults). April smiles at everyone and looks super tired and really kind of sad, despite it. Sterling resists the urge to hug her too tightly and just gives her a quick one-arm squeeze, letting their cheeks touch briefly. 

They manage a few moments alone, outside, watching as damp and heavy snow falls on the ground in front of their feet. 

There is the subject of the upcoming trial and April’s desire to ignore the whole thing, which is touched upon only briefly, because that’s the whole point, so Sterling is about to talk more about the parent (or whatever) she’s got in prison.

“Oh gosh, how did I forget that.” April looks horrified. “Do we both have immediate biological kin in a prison cell and don’t they say that criminal behavior is genetic?”

“Well some do think that, but those people are weird. We’re fine, April.” Sterling pats her on the knee and then pulls her hand back quickly.

But then April just looks at her and stares so intently at her lips that it starts to feel inevitable this tilting toward maybe someday. 

Just then, Blair slams through the glass door behind them and shouts “Dammit guys, stop excluding me from your gossipy bullshit.” She brings a peace offering to go with her exuberance. It is three red cups with a really small amount of super expensive wine. They sip together in silence until Blair starts asking super rude questions about April’s freshman hookups, at which point it is time for dinner. 

During dinner, somewhere in between a heaping pile of garlic and cheese pasta and some kind of beet salad, Sterling remembers yet again how she’d felt when they’d broken up. Why she’d said she didn’t know about someday. April’s father haunted her. And after that night on the bench, maybe Sterling was haunted as well. 

Blair is the only one who notices the shift in mood, so when dinner is done, she volunteers to clean up, much to their parents’ surprise. 

The second they’re alone, they just sit together. Close, not touching.

“Remember when you said you couldn’t come out, I mean…are you out now?” Sterling asks. She’s not out, not really, and starts to wonder about that also.

“I’m not, with him, but to my friends at school I am.” 

“You said he had to explain things, what did that mean?’

April nods. “My father said he wanted to explain that his…infidelities weren’t that, they were just him testing temptation…It’s bullshit, I know…But still, I used to just burn everything that mattered whenever my father needed to reign me in. The problem is…whenever he explains things, it always sounds like bull.”

“Sorry.” Sterling nods. “Gaslighting, right.”

April nods. 

“Change of subject.” April sighs and touches her hand. “I still really like you, Sterl. I want to see more of you. I don’t know what that means, but I know we’re not still kids and I’m not scared of my father finding out.”

“You’re not?”

“Not even if he gets out which at this point, I mean maybe he will. He’s a man in the kind of world we live in…though I doubt it.” April’s jaw tightens. Then she takes a deep breath.” But I’m done with him, either way.”

“You aren’t, though, and no one should even ask you to be.” Sterling shrugs. “It’s going to take time. My…I mean my aunt, I guess, or my bio-mom…what she did was awful and scary…but she’s still a part of me somehow so keeping that connection…is important or something…” Her face is red and her eyes water and she’s stammering a whole lot but Sterling is pretty sure she’s getting to the truth of something.

April reaches then and cups Sterling’s cheek, rubbing the numb spot at her jawline and bringing her breathing back to a normal pace. 

Blair’s voice can be heard from the kitchen, telling April that she has to stay over now that she’s drunk on half their mulled wine. “Drunk driving kills!” Blair declares, bringing them all some tea so they can go find something stupid to watch on Netflix together. 

During the movie, Sterling lets her hand brush against April’s. They watch the first season of Mindhunter which of course the sisters have already watched. By the end of the second episode, April is actually asleep. Blair leaves while Sterling helps her onto the couch and covers her with extra blankets. Sterling sits for a long while, holding April’s hand while she sleeps. 

In the morning, April leaves early and only Anderson sees her out. He seems genuinely amused by her. Blair accuses him of finding mega Conservatives too funny for everybody else’s own good and he shrugs and smiles. “They are funny, some of them.” But then he busts out with, “at least she’s not like her daddy who, if he could appoint a Republican for life, he’d salute him in public and kill on his orders…”

“True, she’s not that bad,” Blair agrees. “She’d just mandate prayer in public school and make sure their gay/straight alliances had Jesus on their pamphlets.”

Sterling throws a really good right hip at her sister then and they fall into the wall. The whole gay/straight alliance thing seems to fly over their dad’s head though.

It’s still early and everybody seems to have random stuff to do, so Sterling drives to the yogurt shop, to meet Blair a bit later. On her way through a mid-morning chocolate swirl, and moments after Blair throws herself violently into the other side of the booth, she gets a text asking her over for lunch. 

Blair snorts and tells her to use a condom and they end up throwing every napkin on the table at each other fifty times over. 

“I’m not ready to be an auntie yet, be careful Sterlingggggggggggggg.” Blair whispers.

“Shhhhhhut up. I’m not sure we’re doing that.” Sterling whispers back. 

“You totally are. I can tell.” 

Sterling leaves then, worried she doesn’t know what she’s doing.

This is a fork in the road. It’s a split in the roundabout. If splits happened in roundabouts which they probably did not. Either way, Sterling is careening toward some kind of resolution to a whole lot of burning questions about April and her.


	7. Psychic Firewalls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much a chapter about shagging and word choices between 'ravage' vs 'ravish'. Blair doesn't want details.

Ch. 7 

Even though they just saw each other, Sterling calls her sister on her way over to April’s.  
“Ok, so I need real actual advice, and not about condoms.” Sterling says. 

“Advice? You want advice now I mean you’re already on your way to do the deed, why now?”

“Because!” Sterling pulls her foot off the gas pedal for a second when she realizes she’s going way too fast. “Ok so should I take things slow and like insist that we go out in public maybe, or should I rush through lunch and just get the first time out of the way so I can stop anticipating it? Like last night, I thought about this way too much. I kept wondering what her underwear would look like…”

“Ahhhhh, shhhhh. Ok, Sterl, what do you want? Do you want to go out in public?”

“No, I want to rip April’s well-ironed slacks off.”

“Ok, then do that. But don’t talk to me about it, I still feel like we’re twins and I don’t want to have any like residual vibes from your afternoon of lurv-making.”

“Right, but ok,” Sterling is close now to April’s and she just has one more question. “She broke my heart back in school, right?”

“Highschool being the important point there, pal.” Blair pauses. “You two were young. I mean you were.”

“Right. But, I mean…We should talk about it.”

“Dude, just talk to her during your afterglow moments or whatever lesbians do. I’m leaving this phone call so I can create some psychic firewalls. Blergggggg! Byeeee!”

Sterling slows close to the building and takes a few breaths. She’ll follow her instincts (and probably her libido) and instincts are sometimes all you have (along with your libido) she decides. 

She stops to take a breath again before going in. This is just like picking a new road to run down, she thinks, hoping it leads somewhere good, but really not knowing. There’s a fog at the end of the road and all one can do is run toward it, because the road is pretty and there are tree frogs maybe, or monkeys…she rethinks…that’s more fun, and that might be the ocean over there…

“Ok,” she mutters to herself, “that’s enough vision boarding for one day. Just go see the person you want to see and see what happens.” 

The building looks like an old warehouse and she has a brief debate in her head about gentrification before sprinting inside like a maniac and smashing her finger on the buzzer that says A. Stev. 

Everything at April’s place is super cute. When she steps inside, April moves into the kitchen just off the entryway and lets her look around. The living room windows are huge though it’s not an extremely large room overall. It’s cozy and full of warm wood and clean surfaces. The bedroom door is sliding wood and it’s well-lit, revealing just a nice big bed and clean white bedding and not much else.

Sterling worries, briefly, about being underdressed for their kinda sorta date. She’s wearing torn jeans and a really old wool cardigan and her t-shirt might be distressed distressed and not on purpose distressed. 

She also worries about a bunch of candles that April obviously lit before she arrived (and yeah maybe it really is that kind of hangout) because candles being left on their own might be dangerous and all. 

April looks really good, her hair pulled back in a tight ponytail, her white shirt crisp and neat. The lighting is all fairy lights and glass jars and Sterling feels like they’re already establishing some kind of future-wedding decorative narrative, except that’s crazy because come on, but it feels true and when April leans over and kisses her cheek really sweetly, Sterling can’t make her heart stop beating so fast and hard for this. 

Her stomach too jumpy to eat politely, Sterling digs quickly into lunch which is salad with grilled veggies and bread on the side. She stuffs her face with half a baguette and butter before realizing she needs more now. And not food, either. 

They’ve barely exchanged more than pleasantries and last night’s hand holding makes Sterling want to skip back to that moment. Her brain is not working but her body is all on fire. 

“I need to know you’re not going to do what you did last time,” Sterling blurts out.

But then April is suddenly up from the stool she’s perched on and then she’s hugging Sterling. A real hug. Actually, their first real hug, in a long time. 

April pulls back and brushes strands of hair back from Sterling’s face. “I was harsh, back then, and I’m sorry. Forgive me?” She stretches upward when Sterling nods, and meets her halfway. 

John Lennon sings Stand By Me in the background.

Sterling pulls back from the kiss and asks “Did you curate the music for our first time?” April looks appalled and turns bright red. But then she squares her shoulders and nods. 

“Yes. I did. And for mine.”

“For your what?” Sterling is confused but also mesmerized by April’s lips. She cups April’s face and goes for it.

This time, April’s lips are soft and glossy with something that tastes like strawberry. Warm and soft and oh when she feels April’s tongue that is absolutely it for her brain. 

Kissing, just kissing, is nice all on its own for a really long time. 

Sterling feel just really, really full with the moment or something. Her hands pull gently but insistently until her arms are so full with April and they have to stop kissing in favour of Sterling burrowing into her neck. 

She realizes what April means then.

“Your f-first time?” She stammers.

“Yes.” April lets out a shaky breath. Her lips move against Sterling’s ear, brushing again and again just beneath it in a space of soft skin that makes Sterling shiver.

And then, April’s hands grip her hips and her lips are pressed against April’s again and oh, wow. It’s like nothing Sterling has ever felt, moving against April, feeling her hands everywhere, her voice so quiet and caring. They’re kissing and pushing against each other until Sterling’s lower back hurts a bit against the counter and April pulls away and takes her hand. 

The bedroom smells like lavender. They stretch out on the bed and then there’s more time to go slow and touch and talk about what they want. 

“Should we ummm talk about what you said?” Sterling asks, pulling back.

By way of response, April presses her back onto the bed and climbs on top of her. “I don’t mind that I’ve waited all this time,” she says, “I seem to know what I like already,” April kisses her firmly. “I like control, and I’m crazy about you…I want to ravish you…”

“Ravage…”

“Hmm?” April pulls back, her eyes focused on Sterling’s. 

“You said…a long time ago…you wanted…nevermind.” Sterling holds the back of April’s neck and pulls her close for another long kiss. She feels the press of her back against the bed as April moves against her. She’s pretty sure April doesn’t want to destroy her, just really, really take total control and completely dominate and…wow. The thoughts fizzle in Sterling’s brain as warm hands press to her stomach beneath her shirt and then move down to hold onto her hips. 

The act of undressing is enough to make Sterling feel like she might die of the fluttering in her stomach and the pounding of her heart. Her t-shirt is thrown aside and April traces lines over her bare chest for forever before unhooking her bra and then just looking at her.

And all through it, the way April looks at her is just disarming. Her gaze seems to touch Sterling, to move right through her. 

Then April kisses and licks her way down Sterling’s chest and stomach, pressing hard with her fingertips. The first feel of her mouth against Sterling’s inner thighs evokes so much shaking and such a loud cry that April stops and waits a minute, stroking her hands over all of the marks she’s just made. “Slower?” She asks, her voice husky. Sterling nods and waves her hands to bring her up again. 

“Later for that, I just want your touch and I want you up here…close…” Sterling bites her lip nervously and then breathes slowly in and out until April kisses her again. She whispers against April’s lips, asking permission, and waits for the nod before slowly unbuttoning and removing the rest of what separates them. April’s bra is blue and lacy and she has to spend about three hours staring at it apparently, before continuing, so April diffuses the situation by removing it. 

And then they’re finally—finally—naked moving together, their hips shifting in rhythm and their chests warm and close. They pause to scurry under sheets for warmth and April smiles, a genuine, bright smile, as she climbs on top again. “Warmer?” She asks. Sterling nods. The smile falters and April presses her forehead to the pillow beside Sterling’s head.

Sterling palms April’s back, gentle as anything, her mouth ravenous against April’s shoulder. After a kind of short while, she feels April shudder and hears her whimper, and they stop moving. 

“Did you…”

“Yeah.” April laughs and lets herself down, closing her eyes and laying her cheek against Sterling’s chest. 

“Can I see you…”

“Give me a second, babe.” April reaches up, her eyes still closed, and touches Sterling’s face. 

“Babe. I like that.” Sterling mutters. “Pet names. Already! Cute. I mean…” A finger mashes against her lips this time. April obviously needs some time to get herself together. 

After a short while, those intense eyes peer up at Sterling’s again. Their lips meet and Sterling roughly pushes April’s hand between her legs. April responds by teasing and smirking against her mouth while Sterling whines and thrusts a few times against a way-too-light touch. Two fingers slide inside—finally—and April kisses her more firmly, muffling her cries. 

The angle is all wrong so Sterling tries to reach down to touch herself, just to help and all, but April nudges her hand away and laughs. She pulls out which really evokes some high-pitched sounds, and then touches Sterling’s clit, stroking her as she watches her face. 

Then April pushes back inside, two fingers, as deep as she can go, and says “You may now touch yourself…”

It takes like Sterling thirty seconds, tops, to come as hard and for as long as she likes, clenching around April’s fingers again and again. She hears that voice in her ear, telling her how beautiful, how warm she is, how lovely she looks, and comes back down with her eyes fluttering closed. 

They lay awhile like that, quiet and each in their own thoughts, before April suggests a shower so Sterling’s hair has time to dry before she goes home again. 

The shower is a chance to touch and look at each other without worrying about more. Sterling likes the height different when she dips her head down to kiss April’s neck and shoulders. Her head feels really light and her legs feel shaky by the time they finally turn off the water and step into towels. 

“There’s time for more later,” April assures her when Sterling protests about getting dressed again. They sit awhile, talking quietly and playing with strands of each other’s hair, before a text from Blair tells Sterling what time dinner will be. 

“I should go but ummmm, you should come over tomorrow if you want.” Sterling shrugs but she’s obviously so hopeful. 

“I definitely want.” April smirks at Sterling’s reddened cheeks then. “But I should finish up some things for school. What about Christmas Eve day, or is that imposing on your family?”

“No, that’s cool. You should come by for Christmas Eve.” Sterling leans and gives her a quick but meaningful kiss before turning away and bounding off into the early evening, feeling like a lovesick dork.


	8. Ambush Predators

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April has a bossy sexy mean mouth.

Ch. 8

There are things that keep Sterling awake, even after an afternoon of the best sex of her life with the one person she wants to keep getting naked with pretty much as soon as possible.

She thinks about how they haven’t talked about April’s father very much. And in all this time, April’s father hasn’t somehow ratted Sterling and Blair out. 

Once, he invited Sterling and April to watch a nature show with him. It was after school and they were bored anyway, so they sat on the couch while he explained that some animals in the wild were ambush predators. He was especially interested in showing them a part about the Leopard cat, which watched its prey at a distance, eyes wide, even in dim light.

“No matter how dark the path, this creature watches and waits and takes his time.”

April had actually gotten kind of weirded out and dragged Sterling upstairs to play Connect 4 instead of listening to the rest of the lecture. 

Now, so many years later, Sterling lays awake wondering about things like: how long does an ambush predator really wait for its prey? Because it has to eat sometime, right? And who is the ambush predator here? John Stevens? Or Sterling, herself? Because sometimes she hunts with her dad and that’s what hunting is so maybe she is an ambush predator also. Then she has vague thoughts about praying mantises and goes to sleep, imagining sitting and watching tv with April like two normal people who aren’t hiding things from their parents constantly.

It’s actually the next morning, that Sterling finds out she was never really out of John Stevens’ mind, as April shouts in her ear over the phone. 

Her father must have a sixth sense when it comes to his daughter, because he’d called April an hour after Sterling had left her the day before. 

But for some reason, April doesn’t care that Sterling was the bounty hunter who brought her father in. She accepts that apology with a bunch of muttering about her father’s crimes. She’s really just upset that Sterling is a bounty hunter at all. 

“It’s dangerous and trashy Sterling, you are a straight-A honours student with prospects you just threw away to act like a reality tv star!” 

“That’s rude, April, I never wanted to be a reality tv star, I’m just really, really good at bounty hunting.” Sterling puffs out her chest, actually quite proud of herself. “And you know what? You don’t get to yell at me. We can talk about this calmly.” 

She gestures at Blair who’s making weird big expressive moves in the hallway. “Let me pick you up and take you to where I work, I’ll explain everything.”

“Seriously? I’m coming too.” Blair is grinning, ear to ear, “maybe I’ll join you and Bowser again, for old times’ sake. And just to see the look on your girlfriend’s face.”

“Hush, you,” Sterling can channel their mother’s stern look better than Blair can and uses it to her advantage now. She hops out of bed and quickly starts dressing, pulling on whatever she can find. “You take daddy’s truck, I’ll take the car, and don’t cause trouble.”

“I…won’t…wait!” Blair falters, “you can’t ask me not to cause trouble generally, that’s huge, you mean right now, right, just with April which…also a huge ask.” Sterling pushes past her and hears, “Ok, love you, I’ll be good!” at which point Sterling doubles back to give her a rough and awkward hug.

When she arrives at the condo, April is already outside, arms crossed in that haughty, familiar way. Sterling fights a surge of desire, because now is not the time for that little issue to arise.

They’re pretty quiet on the drive, though Sterling does try to ask about April’s school work, only to be glared at in the weirdest way. April seems scared actually, she’s pale and looks kind of sick. Sterling offers a hand which is actually taken and they drive in silence the rest of the way.  
Blair is already at the yogurt shop, still looking amused about the whole thing. 

“Here, let me introduce you to my boss.” Sterling grins and leads April to the back, opening the door to Bowser’s office where he and Yolanda are pouring over files, surrounded by Wanted posters and two rifles leaning against the desk. 

When April walks in, she looks around and starts in on her. “You cannot be serious. You cannot have dropped out of a really good school for this…” So Sterling apologizes quietly and pulls April back, heading for the booths again.

The whole time April yammers on about school and dangerous criminals, Sterling just stands and looks down at her, kind of super mesmerised by her mean, sexy mouth. Then she starts in on the Dog the Bounty Hunter jokes and Yolanda and Bowser come out of the back looking about as annoyed and amused as can be. 

“Right?” Yolanda nods, walking up to the shouting, holding up her hands, “she needs a little bleach to fit in. A mullet, some shades.” She stands protectively next to Sterling and Blair and looks at April with mild curiosity.

“Or, you know, some stolen drugs from her…criminal catches.” April crosses her arms and glares at Blair of all people, like it’s all somehow her fault.

“We don’t do drugs, April. Who are you…” Blair looks at Sterling and they go through a silent, psychic rolodex in their minds of famous bounty hunters. They can’t really get past Dog, though.

“She’s talking about that rich one who had a movie made about her, died of an overdose, sad story,” Bowser brings coffee and Sterling jumps up to help bring the rest. They settle into a booth with Bowser next to Sterling and Blair while Yolanda keeps a careful distance from April on the other side. April looks at the peace offering with disdain and shakes her head at Sterling again. 

“This is really good coffee,” Blair tells April, shoving her mug closer. “You need to stop being such a snob.”

“I’m not a snob, I’m just freaking out.” April says. “Ok, I’m sorry, look I’m new to being part of a disgraced family led by a violent criminal, all right? Having Sterling, of all people, all mixed up in the messy parts of that…it’s just really weird and this whole thing scares me. My father is dangerous.”

“He’s kinda scary.” Sterling agrees.

“He’s planning something. I don’t know what,” April winces. “Just something. I didn’t tell him exactly, about me and Sterling, but I hinted at enough.”

Yolanda and Bowser cover their mouths, looking so amused that Blair starts laughing all over again.

Bowser clears his throat and nods, suddenly serious when he glances beside him at Sterling. “Yeah, well, I can understand worrying about Sterling from what she’s been through,” he says, “but she’s a great shot, and she really knows how to handle herself out there,” he shrugs as Yolanda tries to stop him before he goes on about the time Sterling shot out those glass bulbs and had a naked skip rolling around in the shards, after they’d caught him with two women who threw a bible at them.

April looks somehow even less impressed while Blair grins proudly and Sterling tries to hide her own smile behind her hands.

“Let’s talk about the real issue here. Your father, what can he do, really?” Yolanda asks.

“Well think about it, what he’s done, the men around him aren’t going to believe any of those women and they’ll need to turn it into some vast liberal conspiracy against my father...” April looks down at her untouched coffee. “They could try to hurt you all here, if it’s obvious where Sterling works.” 

“True.” Yolanda shrugs. “We’ve talked about moving the operation for some time now.”

There is a long, long silence, in which Bowser and Yolanda both look at April, then each other, for what appears to be an in-depth conversation. Blair opens her mouth to speak but then closes it again. Finally, Bowser speaks.

“Hey, ok, we will handle this and take some precautions, based on fear and not much evidence, but sure, this particular skip might be trouble. We’ll take care of it.” Bowser smiles and stops the conversation with some fake cheer. “Let’s talk about something else. You kids…” He raises a hand at the protest that ‘kids’ raises and adds, “you young women need to concentrate on the holidays and your time together and just…being…young people who do not work as bounty hunters…” He stares pointedly at Sterling who rolls her eyes. “You’ll be working the office from now on, and you know what, even that—I’m reducing your time here.”

“No!” Sterling shouts. “Do you know how long it’s going to take me to become an FBI agent now?”

“Yes, I do! It will take years and this is not how you do it. You’re going to have to finish up your schooling,” Bowser wags his finger at her. “And I suggest you….no, you know what, I insist, you get yourself ready for your next semester or year or whatever you finally decide on, or else I’m cutting all of your shifts.”

“Whatever,” Blair, dives over the table to get between them, “he’s right, you have to go back to school, preferably with me but if you can’t do that then stay local. But listen, we need to figure out our Christmas plans as an alternative family, that includes you two, so get out your planners because our parents have us scheduled to the goddamn minute,” she ignores both April and Sterling’s chastising looks at ‘goddamn’ and pulls out her phone. Sterling also pulls out her phone and ignores April’s staring while they pick times between Christmas and New Years to bring some holiday cheer to Bowser’s little apartment.

“I have to go.” April interrupts, sighing impatiently. “Sterling, will you bring me home?”

“Don’t forget we’re finishing our Christmas shopping today,” Blair reminds her, tapping on her phone distractedly. 

On their way out, April is calmer. She’s also more affectionate, placing a hand on Sterling’s lower back as they walk to the car. Though she turns and looks at the shop apprehensively, more than once. She even looks all around her, to see if anybody she knows might be driving by. 

Sterling reaches to wrap an arm around her shoulders and pulls her close before they climb into the car again.

“I got a job.” April busts out with, when they’re both belted in. 

“Oh, congrats!” Sterling starts the car and glances curiously over.

“I’m working for a PR firm. That, and figuring out my withdrawal, was what I was going to do today.”

“Oh?” Sterling doesn’t ask where, because there’s obviously a catch here and it’s probably geographic. She feels her heart hammer but tries to keep things upbeat. 

“I’m staying awhile and I’m going to save up to be self-sufficient. I’ve submitted everything needed to withdraw in good standing. And I won’t be taking more of my father’s money. I have what I need.” 

They drive in silence awhile and then before long, Sterling steers carefully into April’s parking spot at her place.

April stares at her intently. “Look, I know how intense I can be. I crush hard, I get it, but this is so much more than that and I want so much more for you. I’m trying not to push you to know what you want right away, but do you think you’d consider going to school again with me? I know that’s a lot, I’m just…” Sterling interrupts April’s rapid-fire speech by leaning over and laying one on her.

April pulls back long enough to mutter, “Don’t you…” another kiss interrupts her. She tries again, “…have to shop…” but then they’re kissing again and Sterling takes the opportunity to touch her waist and lean further over her. But then her knee hits the steering wheel the horn bleeps and April starts to laugh. “You have to go. I have work to do. You have to finish your Christmas shopping for your family…” she nudges Sterling back onto her side of the car but gentles the action with a kiss on the corner of her mouth.

Sterling mumbles, “Starting our Christmas shopping and yes, I know.”

She just wants to spend the day getting lost in April’s arms and the smell of her and the way her hair falls over Sterling’s face when they kiss, but she reminds herself that she doesn’t have much time with her sister and also neither of them have presents for anybody yet, so it really is time. 

Also, she doesn’t want to think about what comes next because she just doesn’t know. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?” April asks, a bit hesitant as Sterling loses herself in thought again.


	9. Melting Yogurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sisters start to talk about some real stuff and Christmas shopping mostly gets done.

Ch. 9

Christmas shopping is the greatest, especially when there is no time left and they have no idea what they’re buying for anybody. 

“Let’s make this our yearly ritual for life,” Blair decides, grabbing the two frappa-choco-mocha-whatever drinks her sister takes from a drive-through window. “I’m serious. I won’t become a person who does this thing like Mom does. She’s had Christmas planned since New Year’s of last year.” She takes a vigorous slurp of her drink and winces at the cold jolt, then plunks it in the cup hold and adjusts Sterling’s straw so she can have a drink while she steers. 

“No matter what our future families want.” Sterling pledges in agreement. She has an uneasy feeling, though, just for a moment. 

“Promise. Even if it’s April who’s in charge of your schedule when you’re forty-seven.” Blair laughs and laughs, earning an extremely mild swat. 

“Sister?” Sterling settles herself into the seat more comfortably and glances to her right. 

“Hmm?”

“Are things going ok for you out there?”

“Yeah. Things are fine. Marks are holding. You know. Why?” Blair looks puzzled. 

“It’s just…” Sterling smiles nervously. “I’ve been thinking…everybody has been so worried about me. But are you ok?”

Blair sighs and picks up her drink again. “I spend my time worrying about you and then I try my best to show up for things I have to show up for. It’s working out well for all of us.”

“It’s working out well for me. And for mom and dad.”

“Sterling, I have the usual bullshit. My moods can go up and down. Boys drive me bonkers. And you know me, I get angry at hypocrites. But I have a lot to learn so it’s been good for me to feel challenged in my own like…” she pauses thoughtfully. “…my own convictions, I suppose. I’m not surrounded by a whole lot of devout Christians, for one thing. Actually…”

“Yeah?” Sterling turns again when the silence goes on for a beat too long. 

“Some of my friends tried to talk me out of coming home for the holidays. I mean we’re going to Church on Christmas day and I don’t really want to anymore. I’m not sure that all of this fits me, you know?”

“Oh.” Sterling’s mouth drops. “Oh. Wow. I mean that’s huge…you don’t feel…what you used to feel, about Christ or…”

“No, I mean I feel some things. Just not all of it. Not like I did.”

“Like which parts work for you and which parts don’t anymore? I want to know.” Sterling steers carefully into their first mall parking lot of the day and finds something so far from the building that they can get in a few extra steps and not risk denting the car. 

“You are your father’s daughter.” Blair mumbles. “Now that we have to walk seventeen miles to do our shopping can we like talk about theology another time? Ok? We have some decisions to make. Such as…what in the flying fuck are we getting our parents, who already have too much shit?”

“Language.” Sterling mentally maps the mall from the entrance they’ll be going into. “I have the perfect store.”

The perfect store sells snakes that pop out of cans, dirty greeting cards, and dildos at the very back. 

“Wrong store.” Sterling decides while Blair fights the obvious urge to make a too-obvious joke. 

So they walk quickly onward to a science and toy shop and find something called a kinetic energy sculpture for their father’s office desk. They move on and find him a new chess set and a bunch of beauty products made from hemp. For their mother, they concentrate on smaller items until Sterling has another idea altogether. Two hours, a frightening amount of food court fries, and another mall trip later, they have all of Debbie’s things. 

On their way home, Sterling suddenly wonders about Dana and what she’ll get for the holidays. A phone call—from more than just Sterling—is what she starts to think about. 

That night, Sterling dreams about walking down an unending alleyway, with lights strung up on either side, and buckets of melted frozen yogurt lining the way. She recognizes the sound of her cell phone buzzing once she wakes but for a full minute she stares, disoriented, at the other side of the bed where Blair sleeps facing her, brow furrowed. For some reason she can’t shake some deep feeling that things are changing for them, no matter how much they try to stop that change from happening.


	10. Prawns and the Apocalypse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Twas the day before Christmas, and all through the house, all the Wesleys were stirring, then Sterling came out. April brought presents, wrapped up with care, in hopes that her girlfriend, soon would be...making out with her. Basically they all hang out before Christmas.

It’s 8am when Sterling wakes and decides to roll over onto Blair, waking her for the best day of the year. Best day, because they have nothing to do, nowhere to be, and they can watch Elf all day in their pajamas if they so choose. They do not so choose, in the end, and instead decide on Gremlins over breakfast, while dressed to the hilt in matching pinstripe suits they’d once used for a Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion tribute. 

“When’s your girlfriend coming over?” Blair stage whispers. 

It’s funny, the whispering, especially because Sterling hasn’t used the word girlfriend yet and she manages to throw cereal right up Blair’s nose.

It’s also not funny, because Debbie is totally behind them when the question is asked. 

It’s as though they can hear her silence, raining down on them, and they both turn at once.

“Oh.” Blair laughs, stupidly. “I mean girl friend as in Sterling’s female pal is coming by for some hot cocoa and wholesome fun!”

Debbie just looks at Sterling, a slight smile on her lips, her eyes unreadable. 

“It’s none of my business, actually,” she surprises them with. “But your father and I would love to hear more.” She looks suddenly lost in thought then and her eyebrows practically leap off her head. “Wait, is this April y’all are talking about? You did mention that she’d be coming by…you mean…April Stevens?” 

“What?” Sterling shoots offended looks at both her mom and Blair who has started to laugh again. “She’s really nice and sweet and I think she’s pretty…”

Debbie’s eyebrows travel now somewhere to the back of her head, it seems. Her mouth falls open and she starts to stammer nervously. “Oh, well. Then. That’s. Sterling, I am happy for you. If you…are happy. Yes. Well. Pretty. Ok. My daughter, marrying a Stevens…” 

“Oh my goodness, you are both overreacting, we’re barely…we’ve barely started seeing one another, there has been zero talk of marriage. Despite…” Sterling stops. She really, really stops. Right there. Despite what, right? Despite sleeping with April. Despite wanting her to do unspeakable things to her. 

“Well, that concerns me. Zero talk? Darling, milk and cows. Milk and cows.” Debbie wags her finger and wanders out of the room, completely stupidly, obviously conflicted and deep in all of her feelings. 

Blair pats Sterling’s arm in a comforting way. “Mom’s just upset because she doesn’t know if she should convince you two to marry to justify the pre-marital sex, or you know, deal with the whole same-sex part of the marriage…part.”

“Right that’s actually reassuring in a way.” Sterling takes a deep, shaky breath. “Ok. I came out to my parents. We should go talk to them.”

“Second breakfast, coming up.” Blair leaps to her feet and adjusts her skirt, reaching for her sister’s hand.

Their parents are eating toast and drinking coffee, though Anderson keeps pouring something creamy from a dark bottle into his. 

“So…” Blair sits down at the table and reaches for some fruit. “Mom, is this feeling like, you know, like that time you found out about Sterling and I voting Democrat?”

“No, girls, it is not.” Debbie widens her eyes and then seriously rolls them at both. 

“Your mother tells me you have someone special,” Anderson leans forward and regards Sterling with the most affectionate smile. “So?” he asks. “Anybody I know?”

“I’m here,” Blair interrupts, “to answer any uncomfortable, awkward and stupid question either of you have. With no further ado, Sterling…”

“I’m a…bisexual unicorn.” Sterling blurts out. “And I’m seeing April Stevens.”

She and Blair snort with laughter despite how honestly nervous Sterling’s stomach feels right now.

“Well,” her mother seems more relaxed with this news the second time around. “Is there wine, dear?” Her elbow in Anderson’s arm is obviously sharp because he yelps.

“Listen,” he raises his hand, “listen now—yes, there’s wine dammit stop poking me, dear—we love you, Sterling, no matter what. What’s this about a unicorn though, please do not tell me that you feel that you are an actual unicorn…”

“No, not like that daddy, it’s just a figure of speech.” 

“Well, good.” Anderson gets up, a cheery smile aimed at his girls now, and fetches a bottle of wine from the counter. 

“I’ll have a glass.” Blair decides. 

“You will not.” Though, Debbie pours a really, really small amount though for both of her daughters. They all sip in silence for a short while. The girls are almost 21 and she and Anderson made some kind of pact to demystify alcohol for them after a particularly weird book club a year before, in which their adult friends binged on two bottles each after making ridiculous lectures about drinking and sin.

Blair mock-glares at her sister suddenly.

“Did you get her anything? What if she got you something and you didn’t get her anything? What if it snows and she gets stuck here. Are the rules the same for girls as they are for boys?” The withering looks she receives from both parents tell her that yes, indeed, they are.

“Mom?” Sterling looks at Debbie and quietly, hopefully asks for something more than ‘get me some wine’ in all of this.

“I just need a bit of time, sweetheart. Your father speaks the truth. We love you. We want what is absolutely best for you. We do not…however…” she spares a glance at Anderson, “well…we do not like her father.”

“No one does.” Blair adds helpfully. Sterling shoves her lightly. 

Anderson’s eyes are kind as he looks at his kids. He leans and stares pointedly at Sterling and asks, “What happens when he finds out?”

“Which part?” Blair, still helpful, blurts out the obvious secondary question.

Their parents have known about the bounty hunting thing since Sterling’s kidnapping. A massive, shouting argument had followed the kidnapping anyway, so Blair had spilled those beans because why not get it all out there. When Sterling found out about her birth mother, she’d cried and then nearly barfed and then threatened to go live with Blair in their own apartment, so Debbie and Anderson had been pretty accepting of whatever she had to tell them at the time. They do not know that Sterling has taken up her old job and it’s best kept that way. She’s barely done more than fetch gas cans and do paperwork and it’s starting to look like Bowser wasn’t going to let her move beyond that anyway. 

“When he finds out that his daughter is…you know…” Anderson nods awkwardly at Sterling as though April is now somehow a similar creature.

“She’s gay. I’m not, but she is.” Sterling fills in. “Oh, shoot,” she feels her face redden and instantly covers her mouth with both hands. Then quickly takes them away and blurts out, “I shouldn’t have outed her, don’t tell her…wait, I’ll tell her…just…don’t tell anybody…”

“Who’s to tell?” Debbie agreeably raises a hand and toasts her daughters. 

The doorbell rings an hour later, while they’re cleaning up the kitchen. 

“Now darlings, go and greet your guest. Your father and I will make snacks.” Debbie looks her daughters up and down. “Are these outfits staying for the day?”

“They are.” Blair informs her. “I’ll stay here, by the way and give Sterleee some privacy.”

“Thanks,” Sterling replies, throwing a dish towel in her sister’s face. 

April is at the door with flushed cheeks and an armful of presents. “I’m early, sorry.”

“No, that’s ok. It’s nice.” Sterling feels herself smile goofily. She takes some of the presents from April and feels her cheeks redden. She had gotten April something but she doesn’t want to give it to her in front of her parents.

“These are just…small things.” April shrugs and gestures, coming inside. “I just wanted to tell you all that I appreciated this invite.”

Sterling responds by tilting her head down for a quick kiss and is rewarded with one. 

Her parents are charming as always. This was just a really different kind of guest, and this wasn’t Luke—the only other person Sterling had brought home—who her parents thought of as an actual puppy in human form. With April, they ask questions and get actual responses that aren’t just about how much she likes Sterling. The gifts are obviously a charming touch also. April had gotten each of the Wesleys chocolate and a board game. 

“Smart,” Blair says later, as her parents retreat to the kitchen for more wine and a second round of hors d’oeuvres. “You got us games so that we’ll be forced to spend time and bond with you in the future.”

That actually makes April laugh as she settles on the couch next to Sterling. 

“Why haven’t you asked about our outfits, by the way?” Blair asks. 

“Romy and Michelle, I remember the costume.” April shrugs. “I was just being polite. So I didn’t ask why you’re dressed up for the business women’s special the day before Christmas.”

“Blair, I think you’ve earned yourself some time in the kitchen now,” Sterling informs her sister. 

Once she’s alone with April, Sterling leans in to kiss her cheek. “How are you?” She asks quietly. The mood shifts and April’s face falls. 

“I’m fine. I wish my mother had come back for all of this, though I didn’t know I’d be feeling that way really until this morning.” April replies. Her arms cross protectively in front of her and then she glances back at Sterling and relaxes again, reaching for her hand. “It’s nice being here with you. And the freedom is kind of cool, actually. To redefine the holidays, as an adult.”

“April,” Debbie walks in just then and her eyes give them the ‘leave space for Jesus’ speech before she has any need to make it out loud. “Sweetheart, who are you with this Christmas?”

“Oh, uhhh it’s just me. I’m fine though, I’ve actually got a lot on my plate.” April tells her. 

“Mom, it’s ok.” Sterling tries, but Debbie shakes her head. 

“You’ll at least join us in church tomorrow morning, won’t you?”

“Yes ma’am.” April replies. 

“I’m not gooooing.” Blair sings as she waltzes back into the room, gracefully offering a plate of prawn and chorizo skewers to their guest. “Bottom feeders, I know, but they’re delicious.” Her father follows behind with two plates, one with meat and cheese, the other with cheese tarts and bruschetta with olive paste. 

“Yes you aaaare,” Debbie replies. She looks cheerful and content, Sterling notes, sitting opposite April and her and looking at the whole bunch of them. 

“For me. You’ll come to church for me,” Sterling reminds her sister. 

They break out the game April got for Blair and settle in for a kind of long and hysterical two of rounds of Balderdash. It’s nearing evening when April leans and whispers that she should go. Sterling shakes her head, “stay for dinner,” she whispers back. 

“I don’t want to impose.” April replies. “I’ll see you in the morning, at church.”

“No,” Anderson—at least three glasses of wine in now—raises a serious protest. “You’re staying for dinner, April, I mean unless you don’t want to…” She shakes her head and grins nervously. “Good. Settled.”

Dinner gets made while Sterling, April and Blair set the table. It’s a late dinner, of steak and salad and roasted vegetables, and by the time they eat, clean up and settle into the living room again, April starts to look nervously at the clock.

It’s then that Sterling realizes they have no plans to be alone, just the two of them, any time soon. Christmas is completely bonkers with her family and they always spend the day after doing cleanup and calling various relatives. She’s staring at April for a long time when everyone else starts to notice and begin to make various excuses to say their goodbyes to her and leave the room. 

“That wasn’t nice of us.” April whispers, smiling when they’re finally alone.

“They understand. I’m not a kid anymore.” Sterling replies, kissing her fully, for the first time all day. 

“I wish you could stay over tonite.” April blushes as she says it. She kisses Sterling again and again, cupping her cheeks. 

“Soon.” Sterling promises. “Want me to drive you now? I can pick you up in the morning again.”

April nods and kisses her again. “I’ll dream about your lips, tonite.”

“I’ll dream about your…oh shoot, I forgot to give you your present!” Sterling interrupts herself. She was going to say she’d dream about April’s hands, but lately she’d been having a lot more daydreams about her boobs and she doesn’t want to be crass, plus she remembers the whole present thing.

“It’s ok, when we get a chance. I have something special for you, actually.” April replies. 

Sterling drives her home and returns in time for a viewing (again) of Anna and the Apocalypse with her father and Blair. Yet again, she has the feeling that times like these were running out for them. She cuddles closer to her family and tries to make it last awhile longer.


	11. They Should Not Have Cancelled This Show Dammit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Christmas times and also why can't this show be turned into a series of movies, will Netflix release the rights? DO THE RIGHT THING NETFLIX.

Ch. 11

Christmas Day just isn’t what it was when they were kids. Blair and Sterling stay up way too late the night before. They sleep in and they’re late for church, their family present-opening ritual totally abandoned in favor of a sermon about charity and goodwill. 

It’s actually super hard sitting next to April for the whole thing, without a chance to talk or touch or even hug hello. To top that off, April looks annoyed. Sterling hopes it’s not about how late she was. She asks as much when things wrap up and they’re all supposed to greet the person next to them.

“No, I just have something else on my mind.” April shakes her hand awkwardly while everyone around them does the same, but then holds onto it and squeezes gently. 

Debbie leans over then and whispers, “April, our annual dinner at Big Daddy’s is postponed due to weather,” she looks overjoyed at her own announcement. Sterling knows she’s relieved to get out of having to remind her in-laws that yes, indeed, her parents are dead and yes, indeed, her twin sister is in prison for the next however many years. “You’ll come to ours for dinner, now won’t you?” 

“No, I wouldn’t want to intrude…” April’s ‘no’ is met by a patented Debbie no-blink stare and she quickly redoes her statement. “Yes, I would love to, thank you.”

“Excellent darlings, now let’s get home to do some unwrapping and cooking.” Debbie, obviously done with the crowd of Stepford types milling about and gossiping, rushes them all outside where the snow and winds have begun. She spares a wink for Ezekiel’s aunt but still seems super relieved to get out of the place. 

Sterling leaves her car with April to get around in, but tells her to hurry and maybe even pack an overnight bag. “Atlanta roads will not be great in this snow,” she reminds her, leaning in for a quick hug. 

Present opening is still fun, despite numerous pairs of socks and other practical gifts. Blair gets herself and Sterling a pile of books on abnormal psych which is actually a highlight. 

“I’m choosing this as my major also. Wherever Sterling decides to go, I may not be with her at school for now, but I’ll be waiting to join her at Quantico later.” Blair declares. 

“What, that’s…that’s amazing…Blair…” Sterling is stunned. They exchange a long look and a long, silent, back and forth, about whether this is really what Blair wants and how Sterling is already planning ahead to their facetime study sessions together. 

“I also got you a copy of Hunting Humans because you’re my sister and I love you and being in immense danger with you while catching bad guys, is the most important thing in my life.” Blair takes a deep breath. “I’ve missed you too much. I want to do dangerous and stupid things with you again.”

“Awwwww…” Sterling tackle-hugs her sister from where she sits before they both realize that they’re missing out on opening more presents. 

It takes them a solid minute of unwrapping what turn out to be matching bedding sets, to notice their parents puzzled and silent looks. 

“Law enforcement.” Debbie mutters. 

“FBI law enforcement…ing. Totally much cooler,” Blair tells her. 

“Psychology is a good major.” Anderson decides, trying to stay chipper. “You can always go into something a little less dangerous down the line but for now, you’re definitely the people I see leading a group session with a bunch of ex-cons whom you also bounty hunted.”

“Rehabilitation and capture.” Sterling considers it, “But not in that order. I like it.”

“Good Lord.” Debbie gets up and makes her way to the kitchen for another cup of coffee. 

They spend the rest of the late morning and early afternoon cleaning up and organizing their new stuff. Sterling jumps into the shower, noting the slight buzz in her body at the thought of April returning and maybe staying the night. While she’s rinsing her conditioner out, her phone buzzes and she catches a text from April. It’s something about her father’s friends dropping by…

“What the shit?” Sterling pounces on the phone. The next text, longer now, describes a trio of country club dipshits stopping at April’s condo with a message from her father and a pile of seriously unwanted gifts. She texts back, “tell me the rest when you get here, but get here now.”

Less than a half hour later, her hair still wet, Sterling ends up on the couch with April with the rest of the Wesleys in the kitchen. 

“He really might get off…again. The judge is a friend of one of my father’s oldest friends. It’s going to happen again only this time I don’t want him anywhere near me or anybody else in my life.” April is fuming, leaning forward with her hands on her knees, her face reddening to a disturbing shade of purple. “My mother…” she lets out a breath, relaxing a bit. 

“Your mother…” Sterling feels a bit of relief when April sits back again. 

“She wired me my trust fund. All of it. She’s also giving me one of their cars…”

“Is it fuel efficient?” Sterling asks curiously. She shakes her head at the stupid question but she just really hated that Hummer and besides, what will their grandkids do if there aren’t any trees left and global warming destroys their food systems? So no, not a bad question. 

“Earth to Sterling?” April winces then grins. “Fuel efficient…I mean, I don’t know? It’s one of their older Audis. It’s tacky but it will get me around the city and, you know, back and forth to see you wherever you’re living next year.” She looks hopeful then and Sterling melts into her gaze. 

Their lips are an inch apart when Blair comes running into the room with a tray of croissants and a plate of fruit and plunks it between them.

“Leave room for Jeeeesus,” Blair reminds them sarcastically, “it’s his birthday after all!” 

Anderson takes that opportunity to casually come in, arms full of hastily wrapped but still impressive looking presents. He hands them to April, then immediately informs her that they’re all just batches of cookies and his own famous smoked hot sauces for her pantry. April looks very touched. 

It’s a nice but somewhat tiring day, with Debbie insisting that they all eat twice as much as they had the day before. She’d been planning for the holidays for months and her ‘empty nest’ syndrome—despite Sterling’s return—led her to a record level of overachievement in cooking new dishes involving tiny spoons and foam, and shoving record amounts of butter under the skin of a turkey, sat next to a roasting ham, atop a duck or something. It’s really tasty but an insane amount of food. Sterling and Blair do their best to compliment everything and help with cleanup, leaving April alone with their parents for what ends up being at least an hour after dinner.

When Sterling goes to check on them, she overhears something about “John never was one to play nice with others,” and the distinctive sound of April crying. She actually fights the urge to go in and returns to Blair’s side at the sink. She hears April’s phone ring, with that distinctive Star Wars Main title thing and shakes her head. 

Blair hands her two plates to dry and whispers, “I think what that one is heading for is one of those ‘keeps calling at all the wrong times but doesn’t do much more than that’ deals with her dad.”

Sterling dries the plates and tries to figure out where the heck to put them with all the piles around the kitchen. “You think?” She settles on one pile and decides then and there to limit the amount of dinnerware she ever owns. 

“My bet, he gets a year, then he has to do community service.” Blair pauses thoughtfully. “But he won’t leave his daughter alone and she’ll have a lifetime of setting boundaries with the guy.”

“Boundaries are haaaard.”

“So hard.”

“What’s hard?” April walks in, her eyes still red but dry at least. 

“Ummmm…families. Families and boundaries.” Sterling errs on the side of honesty for this one.

“Ahhhh.” April does look annoyed but she shrugs it off. 

Later, April steers in an entirely new direction. To deflect from her own issues, perhaps, but also to cover some of the lost ground between their breakup on the night of Sterling’s kidnapping, and their seemingly seamless reunion.

“Your final year was so crazy,” April busts into conversation, lazing beside Sterling on the couch in front of the tree while they both play with their new gadgets. “I often wondered if you were ok. Were you?”

“No. I wasn’t.” Sterling shrugs. “I got it out of my system though.”

April nods and taps around on Blair’s video gaming thingy, trying to get the Chess Ultra game to do something. Sterling reaches over to help and they play back and forth in silence for a short while. 

“Got what out of your system?” April presses quietly. 

Sterling shrugs. “What? I’m not sure. Feeling disconnected from my family because the roles weren’t quite what I was raised to believe they were? Was I sleeping around because I felt so numb and it was the only way to regain control of my life? Was I working too hard, studying way too hard, because then I could buy my way out of that confusion and move somewhere else?”

“So you’ve thought about it.”

“Of course I have. I just can’t fix the feeling that I need to…” Sterling stares hard at the tree. “That I need to just slow down and let it all sink in. Don’t overthink it. Hang out with my parents, stay home awhile, and let my like…body, process whatever it is that I need to process.”

April’s hand covers her cheek, her thumb tracing lazy circles over her jaw. “That makes a lot of sense.” She says firmly. “And, as for your questions about my family’s boundaries…”

“Oh, sorry about that…” So she had heard. Sterling feels a stab of guilt. 

“No, don’t worry.” April waves it away. “I can’t fix it by running back to school and I can’t fix it by staying here. And I can’t hide at your parents forever.”

“So what will you do?” 

“One day at a time. I’m absolutely no longer speaking to my father. We are officially estranged.” April nods sadly. “His friends showing up was…creepy, but from now on I’ll have the building tighten up security and I’ll be on the road soon—after New Years—for work, so that buys me some space.”

“Oh? For how long?” Sterling tries not to sound too needy. They still haven’t had time alone and she’s starting to stare at April’s lips. And what are they? Girlfriends? Lovers? Friends with benefits? April stares back at her and then peaks around her shoulder quickly before leaning in for a deep kiss. 

“A week. Tops.” April whispers when she pulls back. “I drive a few hours, hole up in a hotel conference room with six new members of the PR team…” She suddenly smiles. “Actually, Sterl, it’s a nice hotel I’m staying in. You could come. Stay with me for the week that I have to work. Do your own thing during the day—then we can have nice dinners, go for walks…”

“That’s sort of dreamy.” Sterling mentally packs all of her new psych texts and makes plans to facetime with Blair since she’ll be back at school by then. A whole week alone with April might answer some of the lingering questions between them. Plus…a hotel room…overnights…Sterling’s mind starts to short circuit a little at the possibilities. Beside her, April turns away and starts trying to calm her own breathing, like she’s totally thinking about the same stuff. Touching stuff and naked stuff and kissing stuff and maybe Sterling might tell her some of her secrets…and stuff…

Blair comes into the room, asking from the doorway if they’re decent before entering. Then she takes one look at both of them and bursts into laughter.


	12. Crumbs Aren't Sexy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life doesn't have to be carved in stone. Indecision can be a good thing if it gets you where you need to go. And April isn't that great at role play...yet.

Sterling sneaks out of bed at midnight, and quickly picks up the small present she’d left wedged behind her door. Downstairs, April is still sitting up and reading in the guest room, waiting for her. Sterling slides onto the end of the bed and smiles, a bit tired from the day, but buzzing still. She plunks the small gift between them and another joins it. 

“Wait, before you open mine.” April takes a deep breath. “I want to apologize. Because when I bought this for you, we weren’t speaking. And I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for…for how things turned out between us in school.”

“We’ve talked about this,” Sterling shrugs, a bit confused. “You weren’t ready and I was all 'Time magazine out' levels of out and it wasn’t fair to like put that on you.”

“Yeah well it wasn’t fair to hurt you with my decision at the lock-in.” April grimaces and hurries ahead. She pushes the gift forward and Sterling leans to look inside, reaching and pulling out a silver item that looks like a pocket watch at first, but turns out to be a compass. It’s beautiful. And oddly touching.

“For your many adventures, I wanted to say then.” April touches Sterling’s wrist lightly. 

Sterling leans and kisses her cheek. April opens up her gift—a black tourmaline stone set in sterling silver shaped like tree branches—and Sterling pulls back long enough to watch her expression.

“It’s a protective stone.” Sterling says. “Because you’re on your own path now and you’re already super strong, but I wanted to give you a little more strength.” She pauses and admits out loud, “I almost bought you a gun, but you know, thought this was better.” 

“Babe,” April smirks, “feel free in future, but yes this is more appropriate at the moment.” 

Sterling flashes back to the lock-in for some reason just then. She feels the coolness of the compass in her hand and remembers sitting on that bench in the drizzling damp. She wants to stay and talk and just sleep side-by-side, but she knows she should go back to her room before her mother starts wandering around. She leans and kisses April then and mutters, “I should go.” April nods and cups her face and says “Merry Christmas, Sterl.”

In the coming days, Sterling spends more time with her sister, but April joins them for dinner every night until New Year’s. There’s a gift exchange with Bowser. He gets them tasers and they gift him with one of their grandfather’s old Winchester rifles which he tries to give back because apparently it’s worth an insane amount of money. “When you save a person’s life, their parents tend to be grateful ya know,” Blair reminds him, eluding to the blessing they’d gotten from their parents when the idea had come up. 

New Year’s itself finds them at a low-key party with old friends from high school, before Blair, Sterling and April end up back at the Wesley’s. 

And then, as fast as holidays had begun, they are over and Sterling finds herself saying goodbye to Blair in the car at the airport. 

“You’re tortured, right.” Blair smiles knowingly. “All this time with your girlfriend and zero time alone.”

“I’m going on the road with her, that should help.” Sterling sighs and grips the car steering wheel. “You’re going to be so far from me. That’s all I care about right now.”

Blair looks at her for a long time in silence. “You’re deciding still, aren’t you…”

“Where to go back to school? Yes.”

“And leaning toward Illinois with April. Though, honestly, it looks like she’s having doubts about going back. Yet again.” 

Ok, so whatever, they’re both indecisive. Sterling just shrugs. “I think I might want to stick around here, also. I’m not sure.” 

“You know what?” Blair shakes her head. “You don’t have to be sure. You don’t have to write your life in stone right now. You just have to give yourself options. Even if it’s really, really far from me.” She looks pained for a moment but shakes it off. “It was always going to come to this. We weren’t going to be codependent forever. Will you at least video conference me into your sorority hazing?”

“Absolutely.” Sterling nods, choking back tears. “When they send me to murder eighteen blonde boys, and sew them together by their ears, I will keep you on facetime for each event.”

“Good. Except that you can’t sew.” Blair grins. “You’re the best sister a gal could hope for, you know that right?”

“Dammit.” Sterling smiles and starts crying. “You’re making this hard.”

“You don’t have to be with me every second of every day to prove that you’re the greatest. You just are—the greatest.” Blair leans and hugs her tight. “I love you. I love you more than the sun.” She’s out of the car moments later, before the waterworks can get too intense. 

The car ride back is heavy. And when Sterling gets home, she seeks out her parents, who she finds in the back yard, under blankets with a massive fire going. It’s nice, Sterling realizes then, to see two people still be so into each other after years of raising kids and doing menial chores. She runs back into the house to get her coat again and then leaps onto her mom, burrowing between her parents.

“Everything is changing.” She tells them.

“It is, baby.” Her mom’s hand settles against her shoulder. “And that’s a good thing.” 

Sterling watches the fire crackle and pop for a little while. Her father hums and sips his drink. “I think I want to try therapy,” Sterling decides. 

She catches her father nodding. “We lied to you for a long time,” he says. “What we did…sucked, as you girls kept telling us. Therapy might be a good idea for everyone.” 

It takes forever to find a therapist who fits with what she needs, but Sterling stumbles onto a recommendation on social media, from a girl she dated for three weeks in senior year. By the time she packs her bag for her trip with April, she’s got an appointment lined up. She also starts two separate transfer applications. One for Illinois, and the other for Georgia State. She isn’t choosing between her parents and her girlfriend, but she still isn’t sure that leaving the nest—which Blair once called the nest of lies—is what she wants yet. There are things to go back over with her parents. Things to talk to her…other parent, about as well.

They’d called Dana after Christmas and Sterling had overheard her mother having what sounded like an actually decent conversation with her sister once she’d said her own goodbyes. If she left now, she’d miss the chance to see Dana more. To deal with whatever it was they had to all deal with. 

She tells April as much, as they drive the next day. 

“So you’re leaning heavily toward Georgia State.” April says. “Are you going to think me terribly clingy if I also try to transfer to Georgia State?” 

Sterling doesn’t think so, but she’s surprised. “No, I won’t think that. You have your own loose ends here. But why would you do that?”

April shrugs. “I already have a job, so aiming for the stars feels less I don’t know…less important. For now. And I love where I live. And I have a…”

“…a what?…what do you have?” God, Sterling hopes it’s not something weird. 

“I have a girlfriend, Sterling.”

“Oh.” She grins. “We haven’t used that word, have we.”

“No, we’ve been downright old fashioned, I’d say.” April looks pleased. But then she turns serious. “Besides, I changed my mind about leaving just for the sake of getting away from him. I won’t let my father chase me out of town. And my mother wants to come back for a little while.” The day before New Year’s, April’s mother had called and informed her that her father’s charges had been upgraded, after a woman he’d attacked had suffered a setback from her injuries. He would be taking a plea deal. All of that blustery nonsense from his friends had just been bullshit. 

April’s hands tighten on the steering wheel then, so Sterling reaches over and covers them with hers. 

Their decisions keep meandering, it feels like, as though external and internal forces keep them wavering and uncertain. But at the same time, Sterling senses some pathway that’s revealing itself. April’s life has become stripped down, with no small amount of financial security, but without any of the extravagant things she’d grown up with. None of it seems to actually bother her. There’s a deep calm in April now. Without all those fake charity events, helicopter rides to the beach house, and rich girls swarming, looking for more of whatever false promise the Stevens name had once provided, April is way more grounded. Plus, April now knows that the official language of Brazil is actually Portuguese. Blair had teased her endlessly about that one.

Later, in their hotel room, tired from the road, April dozes on Sterling’s chest. Sterling imagines life with the two of them staying close to home again. She’ll definitely have to talk to her parents about overnights. She’s pretty sure they’ll let her live at home for a little while longer, to save money at least. But what comes next is a mystery. 

Sterling is deep in thought about pledging to a sorority, when April rouses herself from sleep and wanders into the bathroom for a shower. When she returns, damp and brightly smiling, Sterling knows for an absolute fact that she’s falling in love with this sexy nerd in a towel. 

They don’t make it out of the hotel room at all that night. Takeaway is ordered. And Sterling gets to go down on April—finally—for like a really long time. She’s still somehow not ready to admit some things out loud to her girlfriend, but she comes close when April straddles her hips and pins her arms for a few glorious seconds. 

“Oh. Hey. Um. You like this? I was just adjusting to a better angle.” April definitely notices the surge of desire in Sterling’s eyes at the mere suggestion of rougher play. “I don’t want to actually hurt you.”

“I might want you to.” Sterling admits. “Not very much, just…if ever you wanted to say be mean, or grab my arm and sort of say something…mean…”

“Oh. Mean. You said that twice…right, Ok.” April looks confused. She hasn’t actually been a shit to Sterling for years now, so this is obviously hard for her. She gives it a go, though. Her eyes narrow and her right hand clamps harder around Sterling’s arm. She’s quiet for a long time, but then reaches between Sterling’s thighs with her left hand and strokes her softly. “You ummmm…you never do what I say. You know you made a terrible mess of my car on the way here. And ummm…crumbs, everwhere…”

“Oh, ok, babe that’s not exactly it, but that’s a good start.” Sterling spreads her thighs further apart, feeling like a total slut as she begs for April’s hand to move more firmly or faster or something. This thing about a dirty car has to stop, so Sterling leans up and silences her girlfriend with a long kiss. She tries not to laugh at the confused expression on April’s face. Moaning against her lips helps, and April quickly responds with an intensity Sterling hasn’t seen before. 

“Look at you,” April growls. “Spreading your legs for me like…” she gazes into Sterling’s eyes and sees the slight nod and continues, “like a total…slut…all for me, hmm? Is this what you were waiting for, all those months making out with morons in the janitor’s closet? Were you waiting for me to take you?”

“I was waiting for you, yes.” Sterling admits breathlessly. “I thought about you. Every time.”

“You did?” April breaks character, her voice shaky. Her eyes are so loving all of a sudden, that Sterling feels her heart just crack wide open. “You know,” she eases beside her girlfriend and slows her touch, propping her head on one hand. “You know, I saw you once. I accidentally walked in on you and Becky Nordstrom and I was really, really turned on. You looked happy. And it was so fucking hot watching you move against someone.”

“Compersion!” Sterling says, almost forgetting that she’s being thoroughly and joyfully fucked at the moment. “You have that. That’s a too-rare thing to have.”

“I crush hard, but I don’t normalize jealousy.” April sighs. “Babe, can we stop role playing for just a bit? I want to taste you.”

That’s a definite fuck yes in Sterling’s head, but she can’t say the words and just nods and watches as April kisses her way down and then good lord just goes for it, licking every part of her until all Sterling can see are stars behind her eyes. 

They fall asleep in each other’s arms late that night and Sterling just thinks finally as she falls asleep holding April’s hand.


	13. Scissoring is Good for the Abs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so nervous about this election that editing my own work is impossible:) I'm hoping that the mistakes are overshadowed by the smutty parts. Working my way up to establishing that these two are pretty solid switches based on one scene from the series lol.

Ch. 13

The sky is eerie yellow when Sterling wakes the next morning. She’s alone, but the sweetest note is wedged next to her under the pillow. There are hearts and goofy little pet names, and a promise to end work early. She’s reminded of how absurd April was on the phone when they were younger. All the ‘I miss your hair and I miss your lips’ kissy kissy stuff hadn’t lasted long, but it had been sweet. Sterling pushes herself up and off the bed, enjoying the slight soreness between her thighs and what appears to be a series of hickies across her chest. She makes her way to the bathroom, yawning and trying to decide how little showering she can get away with before dressing for the day. She dresses in layers and throws her hair into a messy bun, laughing at how much work it ends up taking to cover marks on her neck also. 

Outside, the air is frigid and a bit damp, and it looks like it’ll snow again soon, but Sterling is so high on endorphins or love or whatever the hell, that she practically skips to the nearest coffee shop for breakfast. She brings her laptop and one of the books Blair got her, and settles in with some espresso and a kind of messy but delicious breakfast sandwich for most of the morning. 

During the afternoon, she explores the hotel gym. She works out for a good hour and returns to her room covered in a layer of sweat and starting to get chilly. April is already there, looking kind of tired and annoyed at the same time. Her endorphins are seriously roaring, so she doesn’t really mind the mood that April is in. She gives her girlfriend a cheerful kiss on the head which seems to help anyway. 

“How was work?” Sterling asks, admiring her April’s super neatly ironed black slack and white shirt look. It’s hot, in a weird way, how she pulls off these outfits. It’s as hot watching her get dressed as it is watching her get undressed. Sterling makes a mental note of this and reminds herself to get up earlier the next day. 

“Honestly, it’s just a lot of tweeting. And then making up weird talking points which…” April trails off, looking seriously troubled. “Which skirt around the truth just a little too often.” She finally adds. She removes her earrings and plunks them onto the bathroom counter. When she starts undoing the top buttons of her shirt, Sterling forces herself to back up and sit heavily on the bed. She wants nothing more than to start something that will lead to very little talking for the night, but this conversation seems important. 

“Tweeting what?” Sterling asks. “Damage control, right? But what about?”

“Today…today was about planting misinformation about our client’s opposition.” April sounds reluctant to admit this part. “The principle is—say about the other guy what you yourself are accused of.”

“Accused of, or actually guilty of?” Sterling looks away when April hops around kinda totally naked except for the socks she’s trying to remove. She doesn’t have to stare or whatever. And they’re having a serious actual chat. 

“Both?” April offers with a shrug. She runs the water and looks expectantly at Sterling. 

They settle into a bath together, Sterling pushing against the cold back of the tub and wincing, before April gestures for her to shift forward so that she can put a cloth against the porcelain. 

“Wait, so, can we keep talking?” Sterling asks, though April seems intent on distracting herself in other ways. 

“Sure, sure…” April hesitates though, turning her back to Sterling. She slaps her hands lightly on the water and then settles them over her girlfriend’s feet. 

“Ummm so, Blair sent me these articles last week.” Sterling hadn’t thought much about them at the time but now she’s starting to wonder about a few things. “And ummm I wasn’t sure why she was sending me them, but they were about disinformation campaigns and how the Republican party is rebuilding itself after the last election…”

“Well? Shouldn’t we? Or…they?” April reaches for the soap. It’s cinnamon and clove scent makes Sterling a bit sleepy. She also finds herself distracted by the sight of April running the bar over her own breasts and shoulders and decides to help. April chuckles and grabs her hands. “We’re talking, aren’t we?”

“Right. Yes. We are.” Sterling settles for scrubbing April’s back instead. Her skin is smooth and unblemished and she swirls her fingers around the slight ridges of muscle there. 

“Well? We can’t have a one-party system, can we?” April asks.

“Maybe the Democrats should split into two parties.” Sterling replies. Under her hands, that back goes very straight. 

“That’s…ridiculous…wait, what?”

“Convince me.” Sterling shrugs. “That we need the Republican party after all they’ve done.”

“We are not debating this right now, Sterl.” April huffs, handing the soap over one shoulder. “I’m plastered against you, naked, and we are not debating the two-party system.”

“So…you are helping with rebuilding. But you’re doing it in sort of problematic ways…”

“Well…so what? And yes, of course I am.” April sighs impatiently and pushes herself up and out of the tub. “Who…What else am I supposed to…be…or do…” she mutters, leaving her thought hanging. 

While she dries off, Sterling finishes cleaning herself, then rinses her face a few times with warm, clean water from the tap. Her muscles feel pleasantly worn out in the water and she’s tempted to just drop the conversation and climb into bed. But she’s hungry, and it’s good to talk. She wants to know more about April’s plans. 

Except now her girlfriend is admitting to possibly being a propagandist for some Republican candidate—or perhaps more than one, she isn’t even sure. And that’s kind of tripping her out.

She gets out of the tub herself, feeling sort of unsteady. But April sees the scowl on her face and steps closer, cupping Sterling’s cheek with one hand. Her hair is slicked back from her face and it makes her even prettier somehow. Sterling leans into the touch and says, still, “I think we should keep talking, I mean I’m worried…”

“Baby, can we not? I just want dinner and I want to hear about your day and honestly get some sleep if that’s all right.” She cranes her neck upward for a kiss.

“I missed you.” April mutters against Sterling’s lips when they pull apart. “You’re a good person. I like how kind you are to people and how open-minded. The people I’m working with, I don’t know.” She scowls again. 

“Where did you meet them?” Sterling takes the towel offered her and whips it around her torso quickly. 

“Debate competitions and school.” April replies, her eyes flitting over Sterling’s form. “But you know, spending time with you and Blair…especially Blair…” she shakes her head. “Blair is going to go back to hating me.” 

“No, I…don’t think so, but she’ll have questions.” Sterling smiles hopefully. 

They dry off and dress, and then decide against anything too stupidly expensive for dinner, both just wanting to chill out for the evening. The pub they eat is a quick drive away and April offers to take them. 

Sterling kind of wishes they could drink some wine and just chat, with no plans for the morning. She’s starting to feel like they’re just kids playing house or something. Like she still lives with her parents. She hadn’t, for a while, obviously, but a dorm room wasn’t much of an improvement. Suddenly, she felt like she was in a rush or something. To grow up, to become more independent—whatever. 

Weirdly, like she’s got a sixth sense about what they’d been talking about, Blair actually calls Sterling when they’re on their way back to the hotel. It wasn’t entirely a sixth sense. Social media had apparently lit up when April’s client went hard against a CNN journalist that day for the Democratic party’s proposed changes to the structure of the Supreme Court. 

The phone is on speaker, and Sterling turns it down a bit. 

There is laughter, which is kind of rude, but at least Blair doesn’t shout on her end of the phone. Not at first, anyway. “So you’re working for a PR firm for what, disgraced Republicans who want to bury their assault…s…I mean…uhhh…” Blair chokes on her own words and Sterling hears her fake-coughs before switching gears. “I mean their affairs and racist views? And stacking the Supreme Court, no, let’s talk about what happened when the last so-called President stacked the courts! You work for fascists, April, and I can’t let my future nieces and nephews be exposed to that.”

“Blair, can we keep this debate civil?” Sterling cringes again. 

“It is civil to oppose a bunch of fascists who spent more time trying to throw out ballots than they did solving actual problems! And April, you cannot work for these people, it’s completely fucked. Seriously, get out of there.”

But then April shouts, “Republicans aren’t always fascists dammit…” she breathes deeply and sends a menacing look at the phone. “Ok, the party has its current problems and they are extreme, yes. It doesn’t have to be this way and our firm can help turn things around.” She angrily grips the steering wheel as she gets them to their hotel parking lot. “Or, hey, let’s talk about making a living off of predatory loans and the cash bail system.”

Sterling’s mouth falls open and Blair is utterly silent on the phone. 

“You make a good point,” Sterling says quietly. Maybe this was why Bowser and Yolanda seemed less enthused than usual over involving her in their operations. Maybe it wasn’t just about protecting her. 

“Right…well.” April actually looks like she’s on the verge of tears now. “You made money off of my father’s arrest, right?” Her hands tighten around the steering wheel and she leans away from Sterling. 

“Hey…April…I’m sorry, okay?” Blair’s voice finally comes through the phone again. “Let’s talk in person sometime, that’s what ummm…well I have this therapist and she tells me that maybe I shouldn’t shout at people I care about over the phone.”

“You have a therapist?” Sterling is distracted, though she’s still hyper aware that April is fighting back tears. 

“Yeah. I do. Ummm. April?” Blair waits. 

“I’m ok.” April takes a shaky breath. “You’re right about everything, anyway. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do, all right? I spent most of my life memorizing Republican presidents’ names and policies and planning visits to their libraries. And don’t goddamn tell me to register as a Democrat.”

“Ok. Uhhh we won’t.” Sterling replies for herself and her sister. She doesn’t admit that she’s a registered Democrat now, and that telling her grandparents that fact will be harder than telling them that she loves a girl. 

And she does. Love her, that is. Looking at April’s face, her eyes getting really wide so she doesn’t let them tear up, makes something swoop in Sterling’s chest. 

She loves this person whose whole identity is all tangled up in really the shittiest family, and who knows even less than Sterling herself does about what the hell comes next for her.   
Blair pipes up again. “I won’t tell you ummm who to register with either,” she says. Sterling is pretty sure that her sister is also trying not to laugh even though she does sound contrite. “Still friends?”

“Yes.” April says. “But next time you want to talk to me—to take a sledge hammer to some decision I’ve made, I should say—could you please just…not? Just talk to me. Ok?”

“Deal.” Blair lets out a relieved breath. “And uhhh, sorry, sis. Are you two having a nice time?”

“No, it’s ok. I think this was good. And yes, we are.” She turns to April. “Yesterday, Blair warned me about fake-progressives who are actually Republican operatives. She knows who they are. It’s good for you two to keep talking.” Sterling tries to make things feel casual and calm again and asks her sister, “what are you doing tonite”? 

“Eating humble pie. No seriously, I’m going to a secret wine tasting for underage drinkers who want to learn more about the art of uhhhh…sorry I lost track of my lie. I’m going to go drink wine with a boy.”

“That’s nice. April just barfed in her mouth. Can I call you tomorrow during the day so you can gross me out with details?” Sterling takes the phone off speaker and puts it to her ear as she climbs out of the car. 

“Yes.” Blair says. “Am I still on speaker…”

“No.” Sterling waits until April catches up to her and slings an arm around her waist. 

“Ok then,” Blair says loudly. “Enjoy all the scissoring, tonite. It’s good for your abs I hear. Byeeeeeeee.”

Sterling laughs and hangs up, looking up in time to see April turn bright red. “You heard that.”

“Yes, I heard that.” But at least it earns a smile and April waves her into the lobby, out of the sudden falling snow. 

“Bossy pants.” Sterling jokes. She’s startled for a moment then, when April stares hard at her.

“Move more quickly. I have plans for you.” The look on April’s face is scary and a turn-on. 

The bossy thing is definitely doing it for Sterling, who practically leaps into the elevator. The trip up to their floor is long and annoying. The thing stops at every floor and Sterling coughs, her throat suddenly dry, scaring two elderly women who get on just before their floor. 

“I’m not sick,” Sterling says sheepishly. “Sorry to scare you. But it’s cold and flu season, uhhh so…wash your hands everybody!”

“Oh dear,” April steers her quickly past the now capacity crowd in the elevator when they get to where they’re going. “Excuse us,” She says sweetly, before they both burst into laughter in the hall. April clears her throat and gets serious again, arching an eyebrow at Sterling as they compete to see whose key card will work first on the door. 

“Sorry,” Sterling says. “I know this room isn’t under your name and your boss might be angry if word gets around that we were too loud or rude or something. You should probably show me the error of my ways.” Her grin is probably super goofy looking but she doesn’t care. April gives her that adoring and bossy look and it makes Sterling’s stomach swoop.

“I should.” April agrees, sliding the deadbolt and chain on the door just to be safe. “I should ummmm…punish you.” She shoots an uncertain look at Sterling but then hardens her gaze again, obviously remembering the earlier arguing. 

“Ummm yes, you probably should.” Sterling feels her heart skip. 

Instead, April walks up to her and asks permission with her eyes and then her lips, and then Sterling finds herself pushed back onto the bed actually really gently, while April undoes her own jeans and yanks off her own hoodie. 

“On your knees.” April says quietly, one eyebrow arched. 

Sterling ends up with the most delicious bruises on both knees, and a tiny amount of carpet burn which April will apologize for endlessly over the next week. It is so worth it. Being made to kneel while April undresses herself, watching the skin of her chest and shoulders instantly flush before Sterling’s eyes. Keeping both hands clasped behind her back while her girlfriend experiments with giving orders and while she experiments with some bratty resistance, is just a beginning but it’s a beginning that makes Sterling’s head spin. She feels herself becoming impossibly wet and she aches between her thighs. All while April cups the back of her head and makes Sterling kiss and lick her thighs and then her clit—but just lightly, because she’s being teased. She’s being teased by not letting April get off. Which really, really works. 

And in fact, April wants her to wait there, still kneeling, while she puts on her clothing and hits a vending machine for water or some bullshit. 

“You have got to be kidding!” Sterling hisses as April runs out the door. Like who in the hell needs water at a time like this? Her heart is racing and she’s hot and sweaty and super turned on but almost to the point of being agitated by the time April comes back in and offers her water.

But when April tilts the bottle to her lips, she’s properly grateful. 

“Where did you go just then? Before I left, I mean?” April asks. She reaches and pulls Sterling to her feet, sitting on the edge of the bed with her. 

“I don’t know.” Sterling shrugs and wiggles to get closer. “It’s like this amazing place I go to in my body, when you like…really take control. Or when you get all bossy and stuff. I just sink and I’m so turned on at the same time, and my brain turns right off and I’m all glowy and…stuff…”

“Amazing.” April turns, hands clasped in her lap and looks in wonder at the ugly grey carpet of their room. “This requires more conversation and perhaps more…other stuff.” She grins at Sterling then and they both laugh.

Apparently, it’s going to be a long night. 

“Would you just let me have you. I know you’ve been waiting all day just like I have.” Sterling can’t hold out, she’s sure of it. She kneels again, feeling the friction on her knees and that sinking feeling again. But April looks cool as a cucumber and not at all in any kind of rush to get her clothes back off again. 

“Or…I’ll just leave you there all night, you know,” April quips. 

That’s fun and all, but April isn’t going to leave Sterling on the floor all night. She’s overpromised and now Sterling needs to fix it. 

It’s like an amazing improv thing they’re doing. 

“Sorry, baby.” Sterling fake-apologizes. “You’re in charge. Whatever you want…”

“Yes. I am. Because you…” April undoes her own jeans again and yanks them down but only partway. “…you are the impatient one, aren’t you?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Sterling’s brain fizzles. Like what if April had been some kind of teacher…or professor…and she’d been her student and god, she could keep her after school any day. Sterling wonders briefly if she’d like being spanked. Not yet. But it’s goes into the thought-bank. 

Meanwhile, April is smirking at her. But then she laughs. “Ok, don’t call me ma’am, please.” She chucks Sterling’s chin with two fingers. “Just admit that you’re powerless. That I am in charge. And then maybe beg to get me off.”

“Maybe I want to ravage you. Maybe I want to mark you and claim you…” as she talks, Sterling leans and kisses bare thighs. 

“Oh yeah?” April looks nervous but flushed, her eyes flitting over Sterling’s face. “That’s ok. I trust you to…take care of me…”

“Good girl.” Sterling gets onto her feet and cups April’s face before capturing her lips, grinning into the kiss when April’s squeaks at being called good. “Or should I say bad girl?” Sterling asks, pulling away briefly. 

“Ummmm…is this what they call topping from the bottom?” April looks lost and it’s absurdly sexy. “No, I want to be…good…for…you…” she manages to get the words out in between kisses. She grins and takes Sterling’s hand, pressing it up and under her shirt. 

This is kind of reminiscent of their one and only backseat make-out session, with April wanting to top but Sterling pressing her down instead.

”Put your hands under my shirt.” There is only a hint of command in Sterling’s voice, and April does what she says immediately. Her hands are cold and she warms them on Sterling’s waist before sliding up and between their bodies. 

But April turns the tables again, removing her hands and squeezing Sterling’s wrists instead. 

Sterling ends up hazy and relaxed again. She licks and nips at April’s ear, begging to be taken care of, and then she ends up riding April’s hand and gripping her hips while April just lays there naked, making teasing little remarks and threatening to stop. Her whole body tingles and her skin becomes slick with sweat. Finally, April sits up with her and takes one breast in her mouth, squeezing the other gently, and Sterling hears her mutter, “come…now…Sterling, don’t make me wait any longer…”

“Holy…fuck…” Sterling sees stars and presses her mouth warmly to April’s shoulder, biting gently. 

April looks almost shy then. “I want you inside of me.” She says, quiet. “But not tonite. Tomorrow, um when we have more time to do things we haven’t really done…that I haven’t really done.”

“Yeah. Of course.” Sterling settles between her thighs and strokes April’s cheek with one hand. She dips the other between them and plays between April’s legs. She rocks her hips and watches April’s eyes fall closed, her back arching as she comes quietly. Sterling presses her forehead to the pillow beside April then, feeling a hand cup the back of her neck. The pressure lulls her and she starts dozing lightly. 

But April wakes her and asks to talk some more. About her plans, or what she learned that day, or anything really. 

“I read some interesting stuff about manic episodes and various treatments for bipolar disorder which sound like very resilient coping mechanisms when you think about it…” Sterling yawns. “I thought about what I want to do with my life. But I also thought about how it feels like ok, now I’m in a rush or something. I suppose it’s hard to know where to go next. It feels like time is so big, stretching out in front of us, but my mom keeps saying—it goes by fast. And a person needs something to fall back on while they’re adventuring or…whatnot…” actually, Sterling is mashing up things that her mom and Dana say. She thinks about those two women. Pregnant at the same time. Two people so insanely connected and yet so different. 

“It does go fast in some ways.” April mutters against her cheek. “Babe…I’ll see the week through, ok. And I’ll look at our client list and assess whether I should stay, or, whether I might use this job to launch into something else.”

“Or, you could play spy.” Sterling yanks the blankets over their bodies and settles beside April. 

“Yeah. I could do that.” April laughs, reaching for the water and giving it to Sterling first. Her eyes light up when she looks at Sterling. It’s worth all of the waiting, for just this moment.


	14. Circling Drains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blair has a mini (or major, depending on how one might see it) crisis and rethinks her life without Sterling. April has pretty much a one-track mind.

Ch. 14

Sterling finishes up applications for two transfers, and finally ditches her final chance to go back to the path she was on. She already knows which school she wants though and she’s happy when her sister’s voice doesn’t ring in her ears. Alpha Gamma Bitchface still isn’t a real sorority, she cheerfully texts to Blair, but I might try for an actual sorority.

Her mouth falls open, speechless, a moment later. 

I’m moving back home…I mean end of the year…I think…I need to take a year off…is typed, just a second before their mother calls Sterling.

“Oh shit,” Sterling whispers before swiping to accept the call.

“Sterling, dear, what is going on with your sister?”

“Mommy? Uhhhh…” Sterling frantically checks her phone again, then shrugs, clueless. “I’m not sure. What did she tell you?”

“Just that her therapist says that her mother neglected to parent her and that she has decided to return home for one more year of parenting.” There is a pause. “And, also, that her first term marks were not what she had hoped. Though her marks were quite good so I’m not sure what anybody is talking about.”

“Oh. Well, you know, ummm…she’s often like that. Anxious overachiever and whatnot.” Sterling pushes down that stab of guilt. She’s had extra time with her parents, extra time to be young and uncertain, and now Blair apparently needs the same. 

“Blair is independent. She aways has been. So? What is this?” Her mother sounds like she’s at a total loss.

“It’s just…what it is. We didn’t resolve things totally before I left and maybe Blair didn’t either.”

Circles, returning to themselves. The not-twins were circling the drain and returning home together. Sterling stifles a giggle at the idea. Circling the drain…

“Sweetheart?”

“Sorry mom.” Sterling takes a deep, slightly shaky breath. Here goes. “I’m applying to school—to a transfer, I mean—and maybe Blair will do the same. We’ll find our way, I promise. I know we spent you and Daddy’s money…”

“That is not the point, Sterling.” Debbie’s nails are clicking on the phone now, a sign she’s thinking. “You’ll talk her into going to UGA, is that it?”

“Maybe. I mean I’ll talk to her, see what she’s up to, ok?” She talks to her mother a little while longer, then hangs up and calls her sister right away. 

A half-hour later, Sterling is deep in a conversation about some boy named Travis who has great taste in wine but the emotional maturity of a cane toad. 

Blair had been so excited to go back to see him and to resume studies that are apparently overwhelming her, that she’d neglected to tell her sister or parents any of it. 

“I’m doing fine, I really am, I am walking my own goddamn path.” Blair proclaims between tears. “I don’t need help…except that I do…and I don’t know what I’m doing here, except that I’m just here, only here isn’t working out, like I’m just working so hard, you know?”

“Blair, I’m sorry, I’ve been so preoccupied with my own drama.” Sterling is just stunned. Her sister is coming home and that doesn’t make her happy. No, but this has happened before. They’ve been here before. Blair sometimes just needs to re-ground herself when she spirals off into the sun. “I should have asked more questions. I should have suspected that something was up when you told us about your sociology teacher’s secret illuminati handshake for an hour at Christmas.”

“It wasn’t about the handshake! Sterling you were too busy staring at April’s boobs to listen to a conspiracy theory about a conspiracy theory.” Blair laughs now and Sterling feels a bit of relief. Boobs is a really funny word, coming from Blair. Blair must think so too because she says it again and then they both crack up. 

Sterling is pretty glad to have the room to herself for the remainder of their conversation. Blair’s mental health stuff is hard, she’s just prone to more disorganized and almost manic phases than Sterling has ever been. Sterling has the odd thought that Blair is doing that thing she sometimes does when they go skiing. That thing where she just hurtles straight down a hill and doesn’t steer or protect herself, just to see how fast she can go. 

“Listen, Blair, we’re going to be ok. Just come home and we’ll figure something out together.”

“But is that ok? Shouldn’t I be fully independent?” Blair starts to cry and rage again. 

“That’s…overrated and really hard in a way. Like you tried something, so try something else next.” 

“No, ok, I’m going to finish as much of this term as I can.” Blair seems to be winging it. “I don’t want to blow that at least.” She sounds confused. “Ok, wait, I have to figure out if I should come home. Should I?”

“Blair, I don’t know. I think you should come home for a visit, like soon. And this semester, if you decide to stick it out, call me for help more often, ok?” Sterling twirls her hair around one finger and then gnaws on it. “Do you want me to visit also?” It’s a sudden idea but feels like a good one.

“Hell yeah!” Blair sighs heavily and takes a few shaky, deep breaths. “Come and see the places you’ve already seen. Before we move back home and work at a yogurt shop together forever and ever.”

Sterling nods and is about to respond when April bursts into the room, throwing her bag onto the bed and then pretending to scream at the ceiling. 

“My theatrical girlfriend is back.” Sterling says. “Wanna talk more later?”

“No, go ahead.” April shakes her head and whispers. “I need a shower.”

“Oh, no, I have time. Let’s watch something.” Sterling tries to keep Blair on awhile longer, using her new favourite cooking show on Youtube to entertain them both. They watch a guy shout and swear his way through making steak, stew, and then onion soup when April re-emerges from her shower and snuggles beside Sterling in just her towel. 

“Ok, I can’t watch this domestic shit anymore.” Blair sighs. “Go see your girl and tell me tomorrow if you come up with any new sex stuff that I really should know about.”

“I will. Love you more than all the cheeses I can possibly eat.”

“Love you. Tell April that I’m becoming vaguely fond of her.”

“K weirdo.” Sterling waits for Blair to hang up and turns to her girlfriend with a huff. Her words are interrupted by a pair of kinda eager lips and she tries to adjust accordingly. “Wait…what’s…ok…” She finds herself pinned to the bed, the towel between them thrown aside. “Oh wow.”

“Darn. You’re not in the mood, are you.” April sighs and presses her cheek to Sterling’s chest. “I thought about you all day. What is it?” She looks up and props her chin on her hands. “Family stuff?”

“Blair broke up with a guy and is spinning out quite a bit. She’s coming home, she’s not coming home, we’re not sure.” Sterling grimaces but April just nods knowingly. Sterling grabs the comforter and yanks it until she can cover April. 

“Now we’re a burrito together.” April grins. She leans and kisses Sterling’s neck, nodding as Sterling starts talking again about her sister. 

“So…she usually lands on her feet, you know? She’s tough.” Sterling shrugs hopefully. “But I’m still worried. Because what if she’s just really mad at our parents and it’s hard to live at home. Maybe she and I should get an apartment.”

“That’s a good idea.” April mutters against her lips. “Then I can sleep over.”

“You can.” Sterling kisses her firmly and laughs when the kiss turns more amorous. “Baby, what’s gotten into you?” She smiles so big it hurts when April grasps her wrists and presses them above her head. 

“You. Hopefully. When you’re ready.” April almost looks shy now.

“Huh?” Sterling reviews the conversation in her mind, backing up and…oh. “Like into, into you. Is where you want me?”

April nods, even more shy now. Her cheeks are flushed and she’s so damn cute that Sterling melts against her, bringing both hands down and around to rub her back. 

“I just haven’t been with…well, anyone, but you, and there’s so much that I keep thinking about, like all day, about you…for years now…” April stammers and bites her lip as Sterling just keeps staring at her.

Years thinking about all the things they could do together. Wow. “That’s a long time to think about…all the stuff we can do together. Ummm…you are amazing.” Sterling decides to start there. “You’re such a babe. And I’m so, so crazy about you. You know what? I’m going to tell you something.” Here goes, she decides. “I have never had an orgasm when I wasn’t somehow thinking about you.”

“Seriously?” April looks stunned. Then slightly interested. Then very interested. “Go on.” She starts to unbutton the shirt that separates her skin from Sterling’s and plants warm kisses along her sternum. 

Sterling arches upward and closes her eyes. “Seriously, yeah.” She manages to say. “Ummmm, the first time it happened was after you grabbed my arm and shouted at me. Umm at the you know, at the debates.”

“Seri…” April stops herself from saying seriously again and just nods. “You liked that. Gosh I felt bad, that maybe I’d hurt you, I didn’t want that…I mean I figured recently, that you liked it, because…you seem to like when I’m in control generally…”

“Yeah, baby it was ok…more than ok. Ummm…I masturbated later, and it was pretty amazing. And ever since, I’d have to imagine you like watching me…or with me, or watching me with someone else…” She makes what is probably a pretty weird face but April just nods so she continues. “It was like I was waiting for you. Without knowing we’d see each other again. Like my body knew you were the one for me.”

“That’s…” April shakes her head and then plunks her forehead next to Sterling’s head on the pillow. “That’s so ridiculously cute and just very sweet or something more than sweet, something really big. You’re so…” She looks up, her cheeks super red again. “I love you. You know that, right?”

Something just cracks and swoops in Sterling’s chest and she pulls April as close as she can. Her fingernails feel electric for goodness’ sake. Her arms start trembling and her thighs start trembling and she needs a minute to just be close to April and drink her in.

“Are you crying or are you sniffing me?” April asks, a bit worriedly. 

“Neither.” Sterling takes a breath and lets out a nervous laugh. “I just…I want to tell you…” She can’t though, for some reason, she just feels overwhelmed with emotions and potential—above all, potential, like they’re going somewhere so, so good and they’re already somewhere so good and it’s all just…perfect. She wants to freeze time. 

“It’s ok.” April grins and kisses her, back in control. “You don’t have to do anything right now. Just lie here with me. No pressure.”

“Oh. Ok.” There’s that thud in her chest again. She resists the urge to dig her nails into April’s back and instead just pulls her close again. 

They end up kissing, Sterling isn’t sure how, but she takes control and turns April over, stretching her whole body over that gorgeous skin. Her left arm props her and she uses her right hand to trace careful circles over April’s hip. 

She discovers extraordinary things. 

Like how red and warm April’s chest becomes when she’s teased with light touches and long kisses. And how Sterling can spend what feels like hours just stroking April’s neck, making her shake and gasp. 

She can feel April’s hands on her low back, then her sides. “Inside? Now?” She asks, a bit nervously. April seems super high or something, she looks back at Sterling with such a glossy-eyed gaze that the question gets repeated. The nod and dazed smile is what she needs, and Sterling kisses a hard mark against April’s chest before dipping one finger between her labia. April is so warm and wet that Sterling feels a twitch deep inside when she slips inside. The moan she gets as a reward makes her wonder who might actually come first in this scenario. It’s April, as it turns out, and it doesn’t take long. Years of pent-up want makes April clench around Sterling in slow, deep waves that seem to go on and on.

“More?” Sterling asks, but April shakes her head quickly and she pulls her hand back up and over her shoulder. “Ok?” The question earns a quiet nod and kind of cute pat on Sterling’s butt. 

“More later,” April finally says. She looks overwhelmed and blinks a lot, staring into Sterling’s eyes. 

“Kay.” Sterling replies. She slides down onto her side and holds April close, watching her chest rise and fall with a strange sort of awe.

**Author's Note:**

> Thought I'd fast forward things past high school and write what I think the fun mess of life would look like after exiting a conservative environment and upbringing. April drops by later in the story and yes there will be some pretty joyful encounters between her and Sterling. This is a Sterling-centric story.


End file.
